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Tad’s Steakhouse (for real)

Tad’s Steakhouse (W. 50th Street) overall score: 35

NOTE: THIS PLACE WILL BE CLOSED AS OF JANUARY 2020

Now that I successfully fucked up your whole shit with an incredible April Fools Day joke, here is the REAL review of Tad’s. I apologize in advance for vulgarity, and for the fact that there is no official Tad’s website for me to provide you. Quality!
SIGNAGE FIXED
Flavor: 5
Surprisingly enough, the steak DID have flavor. I was baffled by this, as the steak was slapped onto the grill with absolutely no seasoning whatsoever. I guess the grill itself imparted some leftover flavors from whatever else was on it before. I had the “cowboy,” which was a thin slice of ribeye, somehwere between 1/4 inch thick and 3/8 inches thick. It had veins of gristle throughout, some flecks of bone fragment, but overall I was able to eat about 70% of it. My buddy had the strip, which was similar in thickness, flavor, and edibility, though his was a little under cooked from the medium that we both ordered (yes – they actually do ask how you want it cooked).
STEAK FIXED

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 5

The quality here is choice at best, and I am suspect that it is even choice to begin with – but let’s say for argument’s sake that is IS choice. Good. Now, I don’t mind that when it is done right. Here, they simply grill over an open flame, so not too much that can go wrong other than quality and seasoning issues. The cuts are very thin, with lots of fat/gristle. I was happy to see that the bones were generally left in, which imparts a bit more flavor, but at this point we are talking about a difference between dog shit and cat shit. So why split hairs? They do have what they call strip or sirloin, a cowboy (rib steak), something that attempts to pass muster as a filet or tenderloin, as well as a t-bone.

GRILL FIXED

Portion Size & Plating: 5

The plating is dinner style, meaning you get your sides and veggies right there included with your meal, slapped on the plate like a soggy old tit flapping in the wind against a bony chest. I suppose if you were to eat everything on your plate, regardless of how horrific it is, you will be full. Your body might punish you later though. They do offer several different sizes for the various steaks, so it all depends on how sick you want to get.

Price: 5

I can think of better ways to spend $10 for lunch, but you do get a lot of shit (nearly literal) for your money. The $10 gets you a steak, potato or rice side, and a salad. It is actually supposed to be $8.25, but we were charged 80 cents for sauteed onions without our knowledge – classic upcharge move! They asked if we wanted them, as if it were part of the whole gravy, butter and au jus topping selection. But it was not. It was 80 extra cents for a pile of onions I didn’t touch other than to taste one or two slivers.
BILL FIXED
Bar: 1
There is no bar, but they did sell beer in the fridge, so I left a point on the board for that.

Specials and Other Meats: 5

Tad’s has variety! You can mix and match a lot of stuff to make your meal into a special, and they have numbered meal selections like a Chinese restaurant to boot. For other meats they have ribs, roasted chicken, and pork chops.
SPECIALS FIXED
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 1
We started with the standard side salad, which was crisp, cold, and topped with horrible dressing. Then we moved on to our potatoes. The mashed were out of a box/powdered. Horrible. My buddy went with a baked potato – that was the smart choice. The sauteed onions were terrible too; soggy and grease-laden, with an odd, translucent, glistening, pinkish-red hue to them. Needless to say we skipped dessert.

Seafood Selection: 1

No seafood on the menu, other than fried shrimp. One point! And that’s that.

Service: 6

The guy at the grill was nice, but he completely forgot that my buddy and I ordered two different pieces of meat. When I alerted him to this as he was plating up our sides, he insisted that both meats were the same. They weren’t – I know. Anyway, my buddy and I had to swap steaks at our seat. This section would be a bust if not for the wonderful lady who told us to leave our trays at the end of the meal and she would clean up the table for us. Solid!
TRAYS FIXED
Ambiance: 1
This place is hot inside, and similar to a McDonalds or Sizzler. Obviously you need to know what you are getting into before you dine at this kind of establishment, preferably while shit-bag wasted to the point of delerium. That might actually be kinda fun.

TAD’S STEAKS
761 7th Ave.
New York, NY 10019

Tad’s Steakhouse

Tad’s Steakhouse (W. 50th Street) overall score: 100

Flavor: 10
Unbelievable. This place is off the charts amazing. I can’t believe I have walked past this gem so many times in my life and never worked up the balls to walk in. Holy shit. Perfectly cooked, juicy, savory. Man. I am at a loss for words. I went with a cowboy steak (ribeye) and my buddy had the strip. Both were exceptional.
steakk

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 10

They’ve got everything at Tad’s. Strip, filet, t-bones, and ribeyes. They even have some other cuts for those of you who aren’t so traditional. On top of that, they have chicken, lamb, veal, braised meats, and pork chops as well.

quality

Portion Size & Plating: 10

The plating is dinner style, meaning you get your sides and veggies right there included with your meal. But it is elegant as FUCK; roasted garlic on the side, still in its paper… sprigs of charred rosemary… bone marrow with a little fork to pull out the fatty goodness inside… AND the portions are massive. I was so fucking full after eating.

Price: 10

This place is well worth the money. A total steal. Under $10 for a killer steak and all the sides included? YES! MORE PLEASE!
Bar: 10
The bar here is amazing. Packed with smoking hot chicks, cheap drinks, barely dressed juggy bartenders, and awesome music (but not too loud). I’d hang out here any day, and all my single buddies should definitely go and scope out the talent that sits around at the bar just waiting to be fucked silly. And ladies – there were some chiseled up guys there too. Think Calvin Klein models. Adam Levine was even there guest bartending, topless, with the Penthouse-magazine-worthy shotgirls.
women-at-bar

Specials and Other Meats: 10

Tad’s has an incredible array of specials you can order. Fois gras topped roasted slab bacon! The wagyu ribeye looked amazing but it was just a little out of my budget.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 10
We started with the standard plate of oysters, which were crisp, cold, and delicious. Then we moved on to the crab cakes and truffled creamed spinach. Everything was incredible. I wanted to try more stuff! We skipped dessert because we were just so full from the massive portion size, and the fact that every bit of food was mopped up and shoved into our gullets. But the desserts looked really high quality. Cherry infused coconut foam on top of freshly made cardamom and vanilla bean ice cream? Holy fuck – I need to go back and make sure I save room!
IMG_20121007_132402

Seafood Selection: 10

I didn’t even bother to try the seafood (other than the oysters) because the beef was so fucking delicious… but how can you go wrong with $1 freshly shucked oysters, 50 cent clams, and $3 lobster tails? Fucking MINT.

Service: 10

The service is impeccable. Top notch, white glove treatment in this joint. They even let you select your beef from behind the glass. Servers and waiters were very attentive without being overbearing. They were fun, well dressed and presentable. Really fantastic.
ambiance or service
Ambiance: 10
This place is classy and comfortable. The decor is modern but traditional, clean, and manly. Totally cool. Get to this place ASAP. You won’t regret it!

TAD’S STEAKS
761 7th Ave.
New York, NY 10019

Bobby Van’s (East 54th Street)

Bobby Van’s overall score: 84

Flavor: 10
So far, this location blows away the other locations. I was shocked at how well flavored and well cooked the meat was here. Hats off to the chef, and a total redemption for the brand in comparison to the other two locations I have visited. I had the ribeye, and my buddy had the filet. Both were incredible, and both of us agreed that the filet was likely one of the best either of us have ever tasted. Perfection.
rib eye, filet
rib eye, filet

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

They’ve got it all and then some. The four basics, plus some specials and lesser cuts (corned beef, skirt, various preparations of the standard cuts, multiple sizes, etc). The quality was top notch, and the meat was treated right. You should always treat your meat right. Lube it up with some oils, rub it gently at first, etc.

Portion Size & Plating: 9

My steak was about 24oz, bone in, and the filet was 14oz. The filet also came in a “pussy size” at 10oz. The other choices were equally sizable as well. The plates were garnished with a little bit of green rubbish – not necessary in my opinion.

Price: 7

Prices are far too high for drinks here. I’ve mentioned before that Bobby Van’s is a little out of hand for drinks. Honestly – $16 for a Jameson on the rocks?  Who the fuck are you kidding? With tax and tip, a martini will run me $18-$20. Fuck that. I’d rather drink my own semen. Other than the unbelievable drink prices, the other stuff wasn’t too bad, with the exception of maybe the dessert or the espresso. The plus side to it; the food was well worth the money, especially since we were able to use a Groupon deal for “$100 gets you $200 worth of food.” Sweet.
BILL EDIT
Bar: 8
There’s a cool little bar here. Nice wood look, old style, and a decent after work crowd gathering for drinks (at $15 a pop minimum for booze, this would be a great place for gold diggers and high priced hookers to meet unsuspecting marks).
DRINKS EDIT

Specials and Other Meats: 9

They had a special in each category. The fish was halibut, the soup was black bean, the apps were oysters and seafood plateaus, and the beef was corned beef, for all the Irish folks celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. We tried none of them. The other meats included lamb, veal and chicken, and, as mentioned above, they also had some secondary beef cuts as well. Solid.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8
We started with the slab bacon and lump crab. The crab was great – big lumps of meat, juicy, cold, and a good portion size; probably 4oz. The bacon was tremendously portioned. Look at the amount of thick slices they give you below. It was tasty, but one or two slices were WAY too salty. On the side we had sauteed spinach and mac & cheese. They were both above average to good, especially the mac & cheese. It had a great crispy baked top. Also big portion sizes. For dessert we tried the brownie ala mode. The brownie was dry, and most definitely needed the ice cream on top to moisten it.
APPS ALL

Seafood Selection: 8

I have to be honest… other than the standard shellfish or tartare apps and the special halibut, I didn’t really notice any other fish on the menu. I also wasn’t really looking, because only a dumb broad would do something like look at the fish selection at a steakhouse. In any case, I can’t deduct any points from the base score of 8, so I will leave it at that.

Service: 7

The service was okay. When we first came in, they put us at a cramped seat close to the bar area, and the waiter was kinda short with us, rushing the drink order, etc. When we asked if we could move, he was all “oh there’s no room, we are all booked” … meanwhile the restaurant was nearly empty at 6:15pm. I looked around like “Am I in the fucking Twilight Zone? You’re booked?” A few minutes later, however, the manager came over and moved us to another table… a cramped one in the back, jammed behind a huge support column… in the empty dining room. The waiter there was better, but seemed a bit over-burdened for a half-filled house. On a side note… the bread was cold, but good quality.
Ambiance: 9
This location is better than the others. It has a classic steakhouse feel to it, although it lacks booths (all tables except for one or two half-booths – dumb). The waiters all have jackets on, all male. The decor is rustic, weathered wood, which is cool. The bathrooms are clean and decent, with thick paper towels for hand drying.
AMBIANCE EDIT

BOBBY VAN’S
131 E. 54th St.
New York, NY 10022

Desmond’s Steakhouse

Desmond’s Steakhouse overall score: 88

UPDATE: THIS PLACE IS NOW CLOSED!
Flavor: 8
Desmond’s did a great job getting a crispy sear on most of the cuts we ordered, locking in the juiciness. I had the cowboy ribeye, which was tasty, but lacked a little seasoning. It was also 2-steps undercooked from what I ordered (I ordered medium and it came rare), so that’s why the score seems a bit low (7/10 for rib eye). The undercooking didn’t bother me too much, but a ribeye needs some heat for that nice fat to melt away properly. If you want to order your steak rare because you feel like you aren’t supposed to cook the meat, then order a filet. But unless the beef is serious kobe or wagyu quality, you should not feel funny ordering anything medium. On the other hand, the others in our party enjoyed their steaks very much, so that balanced it out better. The steaks all come with a complimentary sauce on the side. I tried the horseradish cream, but it was a little thicker and heavier than I had anticipated, and not “horseradishy” enough, so I didn’t dive into it all that much. Some of the other sauces were better though. During a second visit with a Gilt discount, we had the 8oz filet and 16oz sirloin. Both were delicious and well seasoned. The filet was a bit overcooked (7/10), but the sirloin was perfect (10/10). I added a point here after that better experience.
steak final
sirloin (top), filet (bottom) with sauteed spinach and mac & cheese
sirloin (top), filet (bottom) with sauteed spinach and mac & cheese

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

They hit everything that is required here. They have a NY sirloin (which is their strip), they have a t-bone, a porterhouse for two, a boneless ribeye, a cowboy ribeye (bone in), and a filet (which they don’t even put into the red box on their menu that lists the steak cuts – awesome – it’s a reminder that a filet is not a real steak, but, instead, something for women). The menu says that all meats are aged and grain fed, and of prime quality.

Portion Size & Plating: 9

My steak was 24oz, bone in; but the regular ribeye was a boneless 20oz. As such, you might get more meat for your buck by ordering the boneless cut. They offer the strip in two sizes: 12oz and 16oz. The t-bone is 20oz. The porterhouse is 48oz for two. And the filet comes in 8 or 14oz portions. Those are good-sized slabs of meat. Plating was basic: beef + plate + complimentary sauce (either on the side of right on top). Aside from the steak sizes, everything else was pretty big too. The wedge salad was enough to give all 6 of us a try, the tomato salad was huge, and the sides were good too. Most impressive was the seafood plateau, which, for $49, was a huge bargain.

Price: 8

Prices here range from upper $40s to mid-$50s. I thought my steak was a little overpriced at $56, but not a deterrent. If I go back, I will most likely order the regular ribeye or try some other cuts and save on cash in the process. The seafood platter here is an incredible buy. For $49 you get so much shit from the sea – awesome. Check out the full monetary damage below.
bill final
On a second visit we used a Gilt meal deal coupon. Regularly priced at $99, dinner came with a bottle of wine, an app to share for two, two steaks (limited selections), two sides, and a dessert to share. My wife got that deal for $75 with a coupon code on the Gilt website. Sweet!
Bar: 9
The bar here is really awesome, and I can definitely see it being a good place to hang out. There is a massive wrap-around, marble-topped bar, and the bartender Danny mixes some incredible cocktails. Great guy. They also have these really great cheese-baked bread sticks to nibble on while you sip. The martini was made just right, and was topped with delicious pitted castelvetranos. My favorite. Only thing missing here at the bar is a street view.
bar

Specials and Other Meats: 9

I didn’t pay much attention to the specials, but the waiter did read off a few (fish and pasta if I recall?). As far as alternative meats goes, they have braised lamb AND rack of lamb, short ribs, veal, and chicken. A wide selection! Only thing missing is pork, but you should be eating bacon in the appetizer round anyway.
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8
All the sides and apps we had were good. We started with a wedge salad (great chunks of thick bacon are involved – a must have). We also did a dozen east coast oysters. They were basic – good and crisp, creamy – and that’s all you can ask for, aside from Tabasco sauce. The tomato salad was huge and came with both thick slices of beefsteak tomatoes and sliced marinated grape tomatoes. The mozzarella that came with it was really great too – soft, hand-made, delicious. All it needed was some charred onion. We also chowed on the slab bacon app as well. It was different from what you would expect, but really good. At a steak joint you usually get a legit slab of bacon – basically breakfast but extra thick. But here, it was sliced in the opposite direction, no grease or fat at all, and served with an interesting apple sauce underneath. Great, but completely unexpected – also a bit small. There was also some chowing on creamed spinach (basic – nothing off the charts or memorable to me), “exotic” mushrooms (which, to me, looked like hen of woods or cloud ears – more earthy than your tyical buttons or shitakes), and hash potatoes. For dessert my wife and I shared an espresso creme brulee, which was tasty, but in some parts the sugar brulee on top was too burnt. On a second visit with a Gilt discount coupon, we split a crab cake for an appetizer. it was a bit small, but tasty. We also tried the sauteed spinach (perfectly seasoned, and not too oily or overpowering with garlic) and mac & cheese (was good but not awesome). For dessert we split a tiramisu, which had great flavor in the cream portions. The cake/cookie parts were just okay.
dessert final
tiramisu
tiramisu

Seafood Selection: 9

They offer salmon, tuna & lobster by way of “the sea” here. Basic. But the real star here for seafood is the plateau selection. The SMALL platter came with lobster (a full one), lump crab meat (at least 6oz), ceviche (at least 6oz), littleneck clams (6-8), oysters (9), mussels (4-6), and 4 razor clams (Whaaaaat!?!??  I was so stoked to see them on the plate). I can’t even imagine what the large one looks like. See the small one below, which was $49:
seafood

Service: 10

The service was incredible – really – fantastic. The staff took this score from what would’ve been an 8 back up to a 10. Our waiter, David, made excellent suggestions in terms of what to order, what to drink, etc. He even graced us with an amazing impersonation of Liam Neeson’s badass monologue from “Taken” when he heard us talking about the film (“I have a particular set of skills…”). I mentioned above in the bar section how awesome Danny was as well; really great bartender. The management was great too; genuinely interested in their diners, helpful, and informative. That said, it DID take a while to get the check to us, and my steak WAS very undercooked, but service was still excellent. Another minor gripe was that the bread was cold, and some even hard, but the butter was soft and spreadable.
Ambiance: 9
This place is really nice inside. HUGE space in an L-shape on what I guess would be considered the mezzanine floor. Only one side had windows (looking over 7th avenue), but it was still nice, unlike the set-up at Shula’s, which was also an elevated space but with NO windows. Nice decor with wood trim, big booths, marble accents, comfortable seating, etc. It looks like it has been there forever, even though it is brand new. Very classy joint too, with nice old-timey music and jazz on the speakers. The bathrooms were really clean – all marble – with great hand soaps and nice cloth hand towels to dry off after pissing all over yourself. We all wondered what this place was before it was Desmond’s, because we couldn’t imagine it being anything other than a steak place. No one seemed to know when we asked. The only problem is that when we went it was sadly empty (Saturday at 6:00pm – there until after 10:30pm). We were the only people in the restaurant, really, until about 8 or 9pm (there was a pair of people at the bar for a little while), and then only two or three tables came in throughout the evening. It’s a shame, really, because we had a great time. I hope they start packing out!

DESMOND’S STEAKHOUSE
156 W 38th St
New York, NY 10018

Smith & Wollensky

Smith & Wollensky overall score: 82

HOLY SHIT!  THIS IS THE 50th STEAKHOUSE I’VE REVIEWED! I’ve been here once before, but that was before I started doing reviews. I remember thinking it was in my short list of favorites at the time, so I needed to come back and give it the old once-over, JP style. The verdict: not quite as incredible as I remember, but still a solid dining experience.

Flavor: 7
The flavor here was good but it lacked a little seasoning or salt. My rib eye was cooked nicely, but there definitely was a little bit of bleed-out – like that time of the month when broads start to bleed from their vadges. I think if there was more crust or char on the meat, the juices would’ve been sealed in better. They definitely let the meat rest properly before serving, so they got it mostly right. They DO have a steak sauce here that they pop on the table after you order your food, but it tasted more like a BBQ sauce to me. Perhaps good on chicken, but it would fuck up a good steak, in my opinion.
28oz Bone-In Colorado Rib Steak
28oz Bone-In Colorado Rib Steak

On a return trip, I tried both the prime rib and the cajun rib eye.

The prime rib was pretty good. 7/10.

The cajun rib eye was good too, but when compared with Greenwich Steakhouse, it just doesn’t hold up. 7/10.

Porterhouse: 7/10.

“Plaque Steak” filet mignon for two: 9/10.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

The selection here is all prime, and dry-aged in house – so it is nice quality. You can taste that in the natural flavor, and that might be why they are light on the seasoning. Some places don’t want to tarnish the purity of a nice cut. They have five different styles of filet, four of which come in two sizes. They have single sirloin cuts in two sizes AS WELL AS a sirloin for two and a NY sirloin (strip). Then there’s the Colorado rib steak, a Cajun marinated rib steak, a prime rib, and a porterhouse for two. Last, they have “sliced steak Wollensky” in two sizes as well, which is another sirloin of some kind. That’s a lot of fucking beef to choose from.

Portion Size & Plating: 9

My steak was 28oz, bone-in. That’s a good-sized slab of meat on the bone – like Lexington Steele. I didn’t ask about the sizes of the other cuts. I’m sorry about that, assholes. Plating was basic steakhouse styling.

Price: 8

Prices here range from $45 to $54 for proper cuts of steak. The Colorado rib steak, which I had, came in on the higher side of that range at $53. It’s a bit high compared to other joints. Was it worth the money? Well… I guess. I can say yes if you are a purist. If you are like me, though, and sometimes you want a little crust on your steak, then you might be better off elsewhere for this price range. I did think the crab claw was over-priced, though it was delicious. I was hoping for a little more than one claw – like maybe an entire crab.
William Price
William Price
Bar: 8
The bar here is nice, and it reminded me of Keen’s a little, though not quite as incredible. It has an old feel, it smells like a bar, and the bartender is fancied up with some nice attire and even has an Irish accent. The martini was made perfectly, and came with three unpitted castelvetrano olives instead of your normal bullshit cocktail olives. Very nice – almost worth the $14 you pay for it (before tax & tip). I will be honest though – I hate NYC’s east side, bottom to top, but especially midtown. I never hang out there, and I most likely wouldn’t go there just for the bar unless I lived in that area (which I would never do). So there you have it.
bar

Specials and Other Meats: 8

Our waiter didn’t read us any specials, so I was assuming there were none… until we overheard another waiter take a surf & turf order. I have a feeling my wife might have ordered that had we known about it. It wasn’t on the menu if it was a special – I’ll chalk that up to a service mishap. For other meats, they had braised short rib, lamb chops (which my wife ordered), roasted veal chops, and lemon pepper chicken. The lamb chops were thick and juicy, and cooked nicely – not too gamy. They came with an utterly horrific mint jelly (on the side, thank God), which tasted like melted mint gumdrops – those big, granulated sugar covered ones that you get from a crystal candy dish at your dead grandmother’s house. Mildly reminiscent of tooth paste. Fuck that shit.
lamb
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7
To start, I had the colossal Florida stone crab, which to my dismay was just a claw and not a full crab. It was absolutely delicious though. My wife had the famous split pea soup, which was very smooth and tasty, but ultimately nothing to rave about. On the side we had creamed spinach. I had heard good things about it here, but I wasn’t impressed. I prefer a leafier creamed spinach in general, but I am not opposed to the pureed type. Here it was pureed, but I thought it lacked punch. It was nice when you slathered it on your meat and took a combo bite though. For dessert we shared a disappointing slice of the bourbon pecan pie. The nutty top part was nice, but the inside was a little too gelatinous and fake tasting. It just didn’t compare to the walnut pecan pie at Sparks.
pie
Coconut cake:
Carrot cake:

Seafood Selection: 9

There is a ton of seafood here. In addition to a full array of shellfish and regular fish for cold apps (tuna tartare, clams, oysters, shrimp, crab claws, crab cakes, lump crab meat, lobster, towers and plateaus), they also had a solid fish selection for entrees. Three to thirteen pound lobsters, or lobster tails by the ounce, plus a variety of preparations available for red snapper, king salmon, halibut, Dover sole, and Ahi tuna. There is even a special preparation of Dover Sole Meuniere. But seriously – three different crab apps available here?!?? I almost made some warm jellyfish in my pants. Our waiter told us that the seafood “bouquet” contained 12oz of lump crab meat (Is that a fucking mistake??!? That’s HUGE!), six jumbo shrimp, and lobster (I’m guessing half of a 1.5lb fucker). As I said above, the crab was awesome – just over-priced for a relatively small portion.
Colossal Florida Stone Crab Claw
Colossal Florida Stone Crab Claw

Service: 10

The service was great. Well – let me rephrase and elaborate. The hospitality was INCREDIBLE, but the service was just good. First the negatives – and these are very minor, mind you: (1) We weren’t told about the surf & turf item. (2) I WOULD have ordered a beer to go with my steak but the waiter was sort of unseen after he took our orders. I still had half of my martini from the bar when we sat. My wife ordered a glass of wine, but I wasn’t ever asked for a refresher on my drink. No biggie – it saved me $8. Now for the positives: (1) They didn’t charge us for the pecan pie dessert. It was “on the house” as a gift for my wife, since we let them know the dinner was to celebrate her birthday when we made the reservation. That was awesome – especially since we didn’t really like it all that much anyway. It even came with a candle on top. (2) They have a guy opening and holding the door for you on the way out, and he will even hail a cab for you. I thought this was nice and classy. (3) I was given a hot, damp towel after I finished my crab appetizer. Let’s see – what else… the table bread wasn’t warm, but it was tasty – and came with a good variety of stuff to pick at, like the crispy flat bread, raisin nut bread, Italian bread, pretzel bread, and some sesame seed rolls. The butter was a little too cold to spread on anything though.
Table Bread
Table Bread
Ambiance: 8
The wait staff are all dressed nicely – mainly men as far as I could tell – in suit jackets. The decor was that of a traditional steakhouse. It had exposed brick in some parts, and a cream/tan colored paint job on the others, with old photos and artwork hanging throughout. It reminded me of what Ben Benson was like – even down to the bull head meat sign hanging in the main dining room. The bathroom was nice and clean, all marble, with shelves of thick hand towels for drying. Apparently one guy found it nice enough to drop a deuce in there, because he was laying some underwater cable while I was taking a piss. I should have taken a picture of his pants wrapped around his ankles from under the stall door.
UPDATE: EARLY 2019
I now have a plaque on the wall here, thanks to the fact that my buddy is a waiter and the manager remembers me from way back in 2013 when he was at Quality Italian.
It’s right above the entryway into the main dining room. Anyway, a few items to report on:
The lemon-pepper roasted chicken is absolutely fucking amazing:
That is a best of 2019 dish for me.
The oysters and clams on the half were excellent. Nice and fresh.
Another best of 2019 item is the strawberry cake that comes with an ice cream cone. Crack!

SMITH & WOLLENSKY
797 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10022

STK (midtown)

STK (midtown) overall score: 87

Flavor: 9
The flavor here is pretty much ALMOST perfect. I think what drops it one point from perfect is due to the quality (which I address below). Seasoned nicely, nice full flavor, and cooked close to perfect (a slight bit of bleed-out, but nothing serious). The bone-in rib eye is delicious. I ate every bite. Even the fat was, for the most part, really yummy. One or two spots were a little tight, and the fat cap was a bit on the small side, but still – a very tasty meal. The steaks even come with two complimentary sauces. I chose the blue butter and the horseradish sauce. The horseradish sauce was the big winner, and it was similar to the cream served with our oysters. When it comes down to it, though, I barely used either sauce. Not necessary with just good tasting meat.
steak

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7

The selection here is great. On the regular menu they have two types of rib eye: bone in, and cowboy (differing mainly in size). They have a porterhouse for one, and two sizes of filet. I didn’t notice a solo strip on the menu, otherwise that covers the basics. In addition they also have some braised beef, which is nice. The only draw back is that the steak I had was a bit tight in the main part of the cut. A little tough, or grainy. I think that has to do with low intra-muscular fat, or marbling. With more of that, the meat becomes more tender and flavorful. Perhaps some more aging is necessary.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

At 20oz for the rib eye, 24oz for the porterhouse, 34oz for the cowboy, and 10-14oz for the filets (boneless or bone-in conundrum filet), the portion sizes are nice! The sides were a bit on the small side, but our waitress Kathryn alerted us to that and recommended we order two sides instead of just one.

Price: 9

Prices are fair. Our steaks were $49 a piece. Not cheap, but not pricey either. use your own judgment regarding flavor and quality ratio for the price. I, personally, probably won’t come back, given the other places I’ve been to, but it certainly isn’t a bad meal at all. The martini was $15, also average. Sides were a bit hefty at $12 for a relatively small portion size. They were tasty though.

bill

Bar: 8

The bar here is pretty cool. There are two bars, actually; one toward the front of the restaurant, and one in the back. I had a drink up front: the bar is a nice white marble counter. They serve a nice martini, and there is a good specialty cocktail menu too. I don’t think I’d hang here often after work, but it is a decent joint for a drink.
martini

Specials and Other Meats: 10

On special there was escargot for an appetizer, a boar chop and porterhouse for two for entrees, and lobster mac & cheese for a side. As far as other meats go, there was plenty of duck on the menu, some pork, chicken, lamb, and braised beef. Not too bad. They offer a $65 price fix deal too; four courses. but it is probably best to pick the fish entree, because the steak entree they offer is a measly 4oz filet. TINY!  Smaller even than Shula’s!
Apps, Sides & Desserts: 10

To start, we had a dozen oysters, which consisted of half east coasters and half west coasters. Both were mild, creamy, crisp, cold and delicious. They came with a really amazing light, airy horseradish cream. For sides we had sauteed broccolini and creamed spinach, of course. The spinach was low on cream, which I like. Very tasty, though a bit salty. The broccolini was perfect; firm but juicy, with a slight char, and accompanied by some crisp fried onions. For dessert we had the bag-o-donuts (Ayyyyyyyyyy… Fuhgettaboutit!!! You fuckin’ FUCK!). They were MINT! They were filled with a nice cream sauce, and came with jelly dip. COME ON! Perfectly fried.

sides (with steak), and donuts
sides (with steak), and donuts

 

Seafood Selection: 8

For seafood there was only tuna and a market fish (which I didn’t catch – BUDDUM TSSSSSSSSS). Plenty of shellfish and raw bar selections, with three sizes of seafood platters available.

Service: 10

The service was great! Our waitress Kathryn has been in the business a while, and it showed. She was helpful, attentive, and gave us the perfect amount of space and privacy to enjoy our meal. She was helpful with the selection of food, and answered all our questions about specials and menu items. The table bread was really nice: warm, fresh baked in a small cast iron pan, covered with melty butter. But the down-side — served with a very bitter parsley pesto oil type of deal. It needed sugar or salt to cut the bitter.

bread
Ambiance: 8
The ambiance was okay. It was a modern joint; not a traditional steakhouse vibe. High ceilings, elegant decor, lots of big glass floor-to-ceiling windows, etc. My friend and I commented that it felt like being inside of a whale; not a whale’s vagina (San Diego), but a whale – like the mythic/Biblical Jonah. The music was a mix of pop and classic rock at first, but halfway through the meal the music got VERY loud, and the music became a variety of different mega-mixes, where each dong only lasts 15 seconds before being terribly mixed into some other track of the same genre and/or decade. I took two points for that alone. Otherwise it falls in line with places like Primehouse (deceased) and Nick & Stef’s (the old version).
ambiance

STK
1114 6th Ave.
New York, NY 10036

Strip House (midtown)

Strip House (midtown) overall score: 95

I was really psyched to hear that Strip House just opened up a new location in midtown. Let me tell you… I had one of the best steak dinners in my life at this place. Not only did Strip House Midtown provide me with one of the best rib eyes I’ve ever sunk my teeth into, but the waiter Scott recognized my “name” on the business card I gave him while we were paying the check.  He alerted the general manager, Eric Hammer. Then Eric knew who I was, and he alerted the executive chef Michael Vignola! He helped open several Strip House locations all over the place – we got to meet him, and take a quick tour of the kitchen (which was absolutely beautiful, clean, and state-of-the-art, by the way). Check Michael out, in all his expediting glory:
It turns out that Michael knew who I was too, and they all follow this website! I was totally stoked that I was recognized as a meat man! Anyway… After we settled up the bill, me and my buddy Paul were treated to a private tour of the kitchen. Eric and Michael truly represent the future of meat and steak at Strip House, and in NYC in general. They are young, passionate, extremely skilled, and fucking spot on. Expect a long line of excellence to come from their “loins” in the future. The meat biz is looking spectacular to me right now. These guys have taken the concept of “pinnacle” to a whole other level of greatness. But the best part of this kitchen tour was that we also got to meet the REAL man behind the meat. RAPHAEL SANCHEZ. He is the guy who fired up all the steaks to perfection. Check him out – notice all the tickets dangling – it was fucking JAMMED in this place!!! Great for business!!!:

A second trip proved to be just as awesome and then some. I went with a group of 7. Michael and Eric once again did an amazing job, and this time I got to meet a great operations manager named Bill Varcoe. The personnel here are just incredible. I really can’t speak enough praise about them. They even threw in some freebies for us; a gazpacho amuse, a tuna tartare dish, and several desserts! Huge delicious cheese cake, massive layered chocolate cake, profiteroles, and baked Alaska! Check out the updates in italics below.

Flavor: 10

I’ve been to the other Strip House downtown several times, and I’ve pretty much tried everything on the menu at this point. With any new place, though, I always have to go back to the standard order for a review: the dry aged bone-in rib eye. It was fucking insane. Nice and savory, juicy as all fuck, and perfectly cooked from end to end. There was not one speck of gristle or fat left on my plate. I ate every glorious bite. Look – I went at it so fast that I only managed to remember to take a pic of it at the last minute, when I had one slice left. Note the perfection of color and the juicy reflection in the flash. My buddy had the filet, ordered medium rare. It, too, was perfectly cooked, though mine packed a hell of a lot more flavor (we both agreed).

I managed to remember to take a picture of my cote de beouff special (for steakhouse month). It was 34oz of glorious rib eye, and I ate every last scrap. I must say though – the standard rib eye had better flavor.

1040641_10151647341338592_1242088031_o

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

The selection here is pretty much exactly the same as the other location, with the exception of a “Kosher Rib Eye” that I noticed was added, so no change in scoring here. And every cut is awesome. You can’t go wrong, regardless of what you choose to eat. Here, you can even be a pussy and order a petite filet and still pass muster in the judgmental eyes of Johnny Prime.

Portion Size & Plating: 10

The sizes are all the same here as the other location. Steaks are filling, sides are large enough for two or more, and apps are generous. Eat up, assholes. Eat until you pop, or poop.

Price: 9

Prices here are the same as downtown, which surprised me because I expected higher rents and overhead at this location to drive up the cost to diners. Strip House is always always always an absolute great buy for the money. This is the best steakhouse business/chain in Manhattan, so fucking go for it.

The bill from my second outing is below. Really fucked up problem here  –  my buddy who did the math on the tip messed up and we under-tipped at around 15% when we meant to give more like 25%. I vow to make it up to Chris, our waiter, who did a freaking fantastic job at our table. I think we were about $60 short of what we meant to give. Hilarious part about this: we had an accountant at the table.

strip house check

Bar: 9

The bar here is nice. It’s large, and good for hanging after work. Definitely a place I could see myself hanging at. The martini was made perfectly to boot. Belle, the bartender, was great, and it turns out she is a friend of a friend whose wedding I shot as a photographer.

Specials and Other Meats: 9

They had some great steak specials here, and for alternative meats they had veal and lamb. A nice rounded selection of meat for all carnivorous tastes. I was set on the rib eye, so I didn’t pay much attention to what else they had. Fuck that shit. I had my order decided before lunch time.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 10

The midtown locale has basically the same choices as the downtown restaurant. We tried the clams on the half shell (really nice and crisp, briney, creamy, and mild), the lump crab meat (nice and lumpy, generous size bowl of meat), the slab bacon (fucking MINT), and the pancetta creamed corn (always a favorite). You can’t really go wrong with ANY side here, but I think the creamed corn and bacon might be the best of the best at any place I’ve been in the last 5 years when it comes to apps. Our clams were fucking incredible though. When clams are this good, and clean, I actually prefer them over oysters (BLASPHEMY!). I had some dessert on round two. I must say the portion sizes are tremendous. I only tried the cheese cake of the four items they brought out to us, but it was damn delicious!

Seafood Selection: 10

For seafood you have lobster, sea bass, and salmon. They also serve gigantic U6 shrimp, and have an incredible array of shellfish and cold/raw items on the appetizer menu.

Service: 9

The service is unreal. Our waiter, Scott, was absolutely perfect, and referred to me as “Mr. Prime” a few times after I passed him my card at bill-paying time. HA! He even saw me drop a fork and he quickly swooped in to replace it. I would’ve just wiped the fucker off and used it anyway. At first we were seated at a high table near the bar and entrance area, but I asked for a switch and a guy named Derrek helped us out. I made the reservations over a month ago, so I was a little upset that we had a junky seat. When they switched us, we were still in a tight area – tight like a virgin’s puss… crowded, close quarters, a little bloody, shy, scared, etc. But, we really enjoyed out meal, so I can’t complain too much. The bread was warm (the pretzel bread was delicious), and the butter was soft and spreadable (like a whore’s puss). Very nice way to start out the meal. Another cool thing was that they gave us a freebie amuse between the apps and main courses – a shot of smoked potato soup with parsley oil. It was tasty!

Ambiance: 10

Strip House is a brand; so they have a certain style and image that they keep constant among their restaurants: old timey naked pics of chicks, aka broads, aka birds, aka hoo-uhs. The joint has a speakeasy feel; dim lighting, and lots of deep reds in the color scheme. It’s great. The midtown location delivers on that just as well as the downtown location, but with higher ceilings and a second level. Great bathrooms too; single user jammies, really clean and nice. I’d feel totally comfortable dropping a deuce in those fuckers if I had to.

PS – you might have taken a look at the bill and wondered: where the fuck is the booze? Well… Paul and I put back a bunch of booze beforehand at a workplace cocktail party. It saved us some cash. Notice the addition of quality meat consumed by me before we even got to the restaurant. If I see meat, then I must eat… And yes – that was two different kinds of prosciutto, with a glass of fucking scotch (I had three glasses of scotch before dinner, and about six slices of prosciutto).

Just a quickie here: this is Michael Vignola giving a quick recipe demo on how to cook a filet:

STRIP HOUSE
15 W. 44th St.
New York, NY 10036

Delmonico’s Kitchen

Delmonico’s Kitchen overall score: 91

YES! A new Delmonico’s opened recently in midtown. The original is one of my top joints, so I had to give this place a try.

Flavor: 10

I had the rib eye (Delmonico steak), and it was pretty much perfect in every way. Much like the original location, the cuts are top-notch, cooked properly, juicy, well rested, crusted nicely and extremely flavorful. It was served with a nice stack of fried onion strings, similar to what they do at George Martin. It was a great way to add a little saltiness with each bite if you wanted. On a second trip I tried the strip steak, and it was equally incredible.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 9

The selection here is very similar to the original, with the addition of a “butcher’s pick” – I wonder though if that is just the butcher choosing one of their standard cuts, since the item was simply a Delmonico with a dollop of Maytag and served as a composed plate with asparagus. No matter, though, because the quality is fucking ridiculous anyway.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The sizes are great – slightly on the smallish side, but you can eat every bite. Same as the original location. Plating is basic; neat and clean.

Price: 9

Delmonico’s is always a great buy for your money. The prices are average but the quality and flavor are top-notch – that makes for a really good deal. A single cut of steak tops out at $45, which is great compared to other places that go as high as $55 for a steak.

Bar: 9

The bar here is fun. There’s some booth seating across from it in the main entryway, so you can sit and eat in the bar area if you want as well. Lots of foot traffic near Penn Station brings in all manner of people coming in for a drink. The martini was done well too; with three big olives to top it off. And speaking of big… if you’re a breast man, you can sit at the bar and check out the juggy bartender with tits the size of melons bobbling out of her top.

Specials and Other Meats: 9

There were several specials: one from each section of the menu. Duck ragu pappardelle for the pasta item, a grilled salmon for the fish item, the “butcher’s pick” (Delmonico with blue cheese and asparagus) for beef, and a baked apple tart for dessert. As for other meats, they offered chicken – that’s it! And not their classic ala king either – it was another preparation. Now, I am a purist, but they could benefit from a manly pork chop or even a lamb item to round this section out.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 9

This portion of the menu selection is similar to the original restaurant. We tried the oysters, the creamed spinach, and the classic Delmonico potato item, which was a ramiken of cut up potatoes, skin on, baked with cheese, bacon and spices. it was fantastic. The spinach was just like the other joint: not quite where I like it to be, lacking just a little something. Oysters were absolutely incredible: creamy, briny, and delicious. Only down side is that they did need a bit more shucking to get the meat fully detached from the shell. Also, we dug into the hamachi crudo (bright with blood orange flavor, fresh and light) and “wagyu” carpaccio (deep, rich, and peppery) appetizer items – both were thoroughly enjoyed and we wished we had more. The dessert menu was completely different here than the other restaurant, as far as I can remember. We tried the Boston creme beignets (which were like little zeppoles with a Boston creme flavored pudding and chocolate syrup sauce) and the chocolate hazelnut mousse (which came with a small scoop of coconut ice cream). They were both really fucking decadent and delicious. If it was socially acceptable, I would’ve rubbed the shit all over my balls and sat there for a while in pure bliss. On a second trip I tried the crab cake eggs benedict. I was expecting a hocky puck of soft, lightly bread crumbed crab cake with some poached eggs on top, but instead it was a ball shaped cake with one fried quail egg on top. It wasn’t bad at all – just not what I expected (call it egg benedict – singular – not plural). Also the cake itself was a little hard – too much crisp on the outer egde for my liking.

Seafood Selection: 9

You’re pretty much limited to lobster, day boat cod cassoulet, and the catch of the day for entrees (which was a grilled salmon). But there is a great variety of seafood for starters (both hot and cold) to “tide” this section over. Yeah that’s right. I put the word “tide” in “quotes” in the “seafood” section of my review. Pulitzer. My wife tried the Lobster Newberg this time around, and it was pretty good!  She ordered a smaller sized portion, but it still came with a lot of lobster meat. It was flavored with leeks and fennel, and served in a light broth, almost soup style.

Service: 10

As to be expected at a Delmonico’s establishment, the service here is impeccable. Our server, Aaron, was fabulous, and the manager Dennis came over to the table and hung out with us for a bit and told us all about the new establishment and how things were happening with hurricane Sandy and their grand opening. Great guys, the both of them. The table breads were warm and varied from raisin bread, to “everything bagel” flavor logs, to olive bread. And the butter is whipped, smooth, creamy, soft, and sprinkled with a natural salt. Really nice way to start the meal. Only bad thing was that when I placed the reservation online, I said we were celebrating a friends birthday. No one wished him a happy birthday. My experience with online reservations has always been that places make an effort to do a little something when you put notes into the form. On the second trip, Aaron waited on me again, and not only did he remember me, but he also remembered my drink. Now THAT is service…

Ambiance: 9

Inside there are a couple of distinct dining areas on the main floor; one is set up more dim and upscale/modern, and the other is more casual kitchen style, and brighter too. It’s nicely done, but it just lacks what the original location has, which is that rich history. Still – it is very nice for a second location. We had a great time and can’t really say anything bad about it. The bathrooms are nice too – beautiful, unisex, large, single-person/individual shitters with nice thrones, wide, dark, wood-planked floors, and even a small flat screen TV so you can watch something while you piss or shit out your meal.

DELMONICO’S KITCHEN
207 W. 36th St.
New York, NY 10001

The Palm (west side)

The Palm overall score: 81

A last minute, game-time decision landed my wife and I in The Palm at west 50th street and 8th avenue for a quick meal. It was an interesting experience; a rather colorful fellow named Ray sat at the table next to us and took interest in this blog. He chatted with us for most of the meal, so it was almost like a 3-person dinner instead of just a date with my wife – a triple date. I’m sure he is reading this now; hey Ray! It was good “meating” with you. Enjoy the review!

Flavor: 8

The ribeye was juicy, it had a great char and crisp all around, and it was cooked just to my liking (an even medium throughout). The intramuscular fat, or marbling, was high quality and I could taste the goodness that melted into the meat with each bite. The only down side was that my particular cut had a fair amount of gristle that I couldn’t chew through. There was a slight amount of bleed out (needed another minute or two of rest), but totally not a big deal. My wife did a surf & turf special that came with a nice sized filet; it was cooked perfectly, and very tender, but it just lacked a slight amount of seasoning.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

The selection is solid here. They have all 4 of the mandatory cuts, but they embellish on some of the better ones. For example they have two ribeyes; a boneless and a bone-in. They also had a strip that was cooked with cherry peppers on special – tempting, but I am a purist, especially on my first visit to a place.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The sizes are good here, and everything seems to be prime caliber. The ribeye was 24oz on the bone, and 18oz off. The strip was 16oz. Filets are 9oz or 14oz, and as I mentioned above they don’t skimp out when you do the surf & turf deals. The creamed spinach was tremendous (see pic below) – unfortunately I only had two bites of it. The servers forgot to bring out the doggie bag to take that home (couldn’t finish). Oops. The plating was basic, and it’s really simple to achieve: cook meat, place meat on plate, serve. I’m cool with that. But that little bit of parsley?!?? Make it cilantro and I’ll eat it. Parsley is as useless as tits on a bull. I’m a fucking man for God’s sake. I don’t need a sprig of parsley on my plate or a tweel of balsamic infused chocolate sticking out of my potatoes for that matter (didn’t happen here, but it DOES happen). Dear chefs who do that: Go fuck yourselves. Sincerely, Johnny Prime. PS: What’s the difference between parsley and pussy? You don’t eat parsley…

massive creamed spinach side

Price: 8

Check out the bill below and make your own judgments. I thought it was a fair price for an above average meal. Normally our bills come to a much higher figure. The surf & turf deal for $50 is a nice bargain.

Bar: 8

I didn’t spend any time at the bar, but it is in a good location, near the street, and it gets hopping after work. The martini was made well – up, very dry, with olives, and a little dirty.

Specials and Other Meats: 9

The Palm had a bunch of specials. One thing that bugged me, though, was that oysters were a special and not a regular menu item. In addition to that they had a lobster cocktail special item, a strip steak with cherry peppers, some italian food items, and a pumpkin creme brulee. In addition to that stuff, they offer several kinds of surf & turf deals (3 courses for $50 – the menu is pictured below); some with shrimp, some with lobster, etc. As far as other meats go, they have lamb (under the chops menu), veal and chicken (under the italian menu). Perhaps a pork chop would make for a good addition to the menu.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7

My wife had a basic mixed greens salad that came with her surf & turf. I had the crab cake. It was excellent – lots of meat, but still had good crisp texture. It came with a chipotle sauce that was perfect for an occasional dunk, and beside it was a cherry pepper and mango salsa; very nice. On the side we had creamed spinach, as usual. It was a little heavy (too much of the “cream” and not enough of the “spinach”), but you could tell it was made with top quality cheeses. For dessert we shared a pumpkin creme brulee, which came with my wife’s surf & turf (see below). It was a little grainy due to the addition of pumpkin, but tasty nonetheless.

Seafood Selection: 8

My wife had a lobster tail in her surf & turf. The bite I had was nice; crispy edges, juicy inside, nicely cooked, but she said the remainder of her tail was a little overdone. A shame – anyway you can see the entree below. As I mentioned before, the crab cake was excellent, but the oysters should be a staple and not a special. From the looks of other tables, the lump crabmeat was a generous helping. The Palm offers lots by way of various lobster items, and they also offer salmon, sea bass, and swordfish.

Service: 9

The service here was excellent. Our waiter was Martin, and he was very observant and concerned about our dining experience, our seating location, and whether we needed anything. In particular he was concerned about whether Ray, at the table next to us, was a bother. Absolutely not! I enjoy yapping it up, and Ray was really interested in this blog, so I say bring it on. Our new buddy Ray thought his waitress was too attentive, but I thought Martin was just right for our table. He did a good job of explaining why the bone-in was better than the boneless ribeye, and I overheard other waiters giving the history of the Palm, and what the drawings on the wall were all about (see below). Our table bread was a nice mix of different items. The butter was cold, but whipped and nice; just a little hard. The bread could’ve used a little warmth; it was room temperature. Throw that shit in the microwave for ten seconds or some shit. The only down about service was that we asked for our creamed spinach to be wrapped up to take home, but it never came out to us (not Martin’s fault – it was taken by the bus boy). By the time the bill came out and we paid, we had forgotten about it. Oh well – that’s a little bit my fault too, so no big deal. I just hope they gave it to a bum or something and didn’t throw it out.

Ambiance: 8

The Palm has tons of drawn faces all over their walls. Apparently if you spend enough time and money there, they will immortalize you in cartoon form on the walls of their establishment. As you might expect, lots of famous people have their faces plastered on the walls in there. I had the privilege of looking at Jason Alexander and Mel Gibson throughout the meal, as they were depicted on the column nearest to our table. The story goes that young artists with no money used to create drawings of celebrities that dined there; in exchange they would receive a plate of spaghetti from the owner. That’s the lure and legend of how it all started. Cool. Other than that stuff, the ambiance is standard for steak joints: dim lighting, dark wood, and it smells fantastic. The tables were a little close together where we sat. It’s a good thing my wife and I are friendly people, otherwise the triple date with our new friend Ray would have been awkward. The bathrooms could use an upgrade: they were like any bar bathroom in Manhattan. There was an attendant one time I went in, but not the second time. I don’t think one is needed (ever – unless they have everything I need to shave my entire face).

PALM WEST
250 W. 50th St.
New York, NY 10019

Blackstone

Blackstone overall score: 83

A few months back I received a gift card to use at a group of restaurants on long Island. Blackstone, Insignia, and Rare 650. Rare 650 was a bit too far from my home, and I had already been to Blackstone once before (pre-reviewing days), so we wanted to try Insigna. The menu there looked like it had a better selection anyway. At 4pm we called to try to make a reservation, but the other end of the line was so noisy with blasting music that my wife couldn’t hear anything on the phone. The woman hung up on her. My wife called back, and the woman said they didn’t have any openings until 9:30pm, the music was still blasting, and then she hung up on my wife. Very unprofessional. So we gave up on the idea of Club Insignia, with all night long house music on the 1s and 2s, and went back to Blackstone. A note about my first trip to Blackstone a few years back; I had a great meal, but two of us got VERY sick (pissing-out-of-our-asses-all-night-long kind of sick). After some careful research into who ate what, we could only surmise that the two items me and the other person had that might have made us sick was a pint of Guinness. Sometimes the tap can get a funk if it isn’t poured often. A few of us all had ribeyes and shared the same apps, so it couldn’t have been the food (or so we think).

Flavor: 8

My second trip here, which is what this review is based on, was a much better experience. I had the ribeye, as usual. It was cooked nicely, evenly, and it had a good crust locking in the juices. It was rested well too. It just lacked a little bit of seasoning punch, and there was some inedible fat in parts (on some ribeyes, you can eat every bite – even the fat). Overall a very good steak. Everything here had good flavor as a matter of fact. Nothing was a let down, but, then again, nothing was amazing (except maybe the broccolini). On a third trip (for lunch) I had a 14oz filet, and my wife had a mixed greens salad with string beans and mandarin oranges, with lobster tail on top of a crabmeat guacamole – that was friggin delicious (the guac). My filet was nice and crispy/charred on the outside, and perfectly medium rare on the inside. The edges did get a little dry, however, since it was such a thick cut of meat. I found that dipping into the steak sauce on occasion was a good way to keep the moisture level high.

STEAK

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 8

There’s a great selection here, and it is all top notch. They have all four of the basics (though they call the strip a sirloin, which makes me wonder) plus a great deal of stuff on special. When we went, there were two additional cuts on special; a 16oz boneless Oregon “wagyu,” and a 24oz bone-in sirloin. There’s a good selection of non-beef too.

Portion Size & Plating: 8

The sizes are good here. The ribeye was 28oz on the bone. Plating was basic and clean, nothing too fancy. Here is a pic of the salad we got on the third visit (mixed greens, string beans, tomato, mandarin orange – with crabmeat guacamole on the side, topped with lobster tail meat):

SALAD

Price: 7

Check out the bill below; our gift card knocked off $150, but we still dropped about $140 on top of that. This place is a bit pricey for Long Island. Though the quality is good, I found that other places on Long Island are a better bargain (better prices for as good, if not better, food). My steak was $52; too much for Long Island. Other high priced items were the shellfish plateau ($59), crab claws ($55/pound), and some of the special sushi rolls ($35-$45 for a roll – to Blackstone’s defense, many of those sushi rolls have “kobe” beef, lobster, and other pricey ingredients). On a third trip for lunch I had a $25 gift card that Blackstone gave out for free on the web. Great deal – it saved me the tip (see second receipt below – before the $25 was removed).

BILL

Bar: 9

The bar here is awesome. It’s big, spacious, well decorated, and boasts a great selection of booze and specialty cocktails. It’s definitely a place I could see people hanging at after work or before a full night out. They mix a nice martini to boot (though the olive was a bit too pickle tasting – standard jar olive).

Specials and Other Meats: 9

On special, Blackstone has at least one item for every section of their menu (and they have many sections). They offered a lobster sushi special, a few app specials (like crab claws by the pound, shellfish plateaus, and a mozzarella cheese app), two beef specials (ribeye and sirloin), a fish special (branzino), a pasta special, and a dessert special (chocolate & peanut butter Napoleon). I was impressed.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8

We started with the oysters, some sliced octopus and a sushi roll, and all were good. Clean, cold, and tasty. My wife ordered a shellfish plateau for her main meal, and it was great. It had a half a lobster, a half a snow crab, 5 clams, 4 oysters (2 east coast, 2 west coast), and shrimp. A bit pricey at $59, but it was good. On the side we had creamed spinach and broccolini. The creamed spinach was nicely done – not incredible but definitely not inedible. Standard. The broccolini, on the other hand, was amazing. Sauteed in oil and garlic, it had just the right amount of seasoning. I’d say that was probably the best part of the entire meal. For dessert, we tried the peanut butter and chocolate Napoleon. It was nice and light, surprisingly. It was served with a peanut powder of some kind that was really fluffy. It wasn’t just ground up peanuts. It must have been done via molecular gastronomy / food chemistry techniques or something. Delicious. I washed that down with a double shot of espresso, which was more like a quadruple shot; I couldn’t fall asleep later that night. One thing I recall from my first visit here was the “kobe” beef cooked on hot rocks – that was cool, and I remember it being really tasty, despite not being true kobe beef. On a third trip for lunch my wife and I split a trio of seafood (lump crab, half a lobster tail, and two huge shrimp ($26). For dessert we had a blondie banana creme pie that was absolutely the best thing on the menu.

Seafood Selection: 8

The seafood is great here. Aside from the incredible (though pricey) selection of sushi, they also have great traditional seafood fare that you often see on steakhouse menus. Crab claws by the pound was a nice departure from that as well. I was happily surprised to see that my plate of oysters for my app had different oysters from my wife’s plateau meal. Nice touch. Also, they had sushi specials that weren’t on the menu, and a branzino fish dish on special as well.

Service: 9

The service here was good. We had, basically, a team of two; a waiter and a waitress. They were attentive, friendly, and informative. The manager even did a swing-by to make sure we were okay. All the wait staff wore shirts and ties with jackets, and everyone else was nicely dressed and professional looking. The bread was a nice warm crisp sourdough, served with olive oil instead of butter. On the third trip the waiter forgot to bring us our broccolini side that we ordered. No harm done, since we were not charged for it. In addition the waiter misheard me when I said “no” to a second newcastle. So I imagine they had to dump that beer. Otherwsie the service was still great, as usual.

Ambiance: 9

Blackstone is no doubt Japanese themed. When you walk in, it has that sushi restaurant smell (market fresh, not Canal Street nasty). There is a sushi bar to the right, and the walls are all done with a nice natural ledge stone. There are a few nice looking fireplaces, high ceilings, and nice dark wood. To the left, there is the tremendous bar, and behind that, an outdoor lounge seating area next to a nice long modern fireplace, and more tables for outdoor dining (with retractable roof). The bathrooms were nice too. The men’s room had an attendant; stocked with mouth wash, gum, candy, and hand lotion in case your meal is so good that you need to jerk one out real quick in the stall.

BLACKSTONE
10 Pinelawn Rd.
Melville, NY 11747