Category Archives: Restaurant Reviews

Doughnut Plant

While I really can’t give a full-blown review of this place because I got my doughnut from Whole Foods, I can tell you that I absolutely loved the frosted blueberry doughnut. It was absolutely perfect. Soft, moist, flavorful, cake and delicious. Can’t wait to eat more of these fucks now that I know Whole Foods stocks them on site.

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Side note: the PB&J doughnut is intensely good. Essentially it is a glazed donut that’s filled with jelly and then topped with chunky peanut butter. Why hasn’t this ever been done before?!?? And the coconut cream doughnut was amazing too.

DOUGHNUT PLANT
220 W. 23rd St.
New York, NY 10011

Black Seed Bagels

I don’t understand the infatuation with Black Seed Bagels. They’re small, incredibly overpriced, and taste no better than any other good bagel shop in Manhattan. This satellite location at Hudson Eats was understaffed. It took way too long for my bagel to come out, because there was only one person making orders (and there were only two people ahead of me on line when I walked up).

Complaints aside, I did like my bagel. I ordered an everything bagel toasted with cream cheese, salmon, tomato, red onion and capers. The bagel wasn’t very toasted and came to me kind of cold. Not the worst sin (I like my salmon and cream cheese to be cold), but a toasty bagel would have been titties.

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BLACK SEED BAGELS
Brookfield Place
200 Vesey St.
New York, NY 10080

Square Diner

One of my all time favorite diners to eat at is down in Tribeca. The place is small, and they keep their prices fucking LOW. It’s a low key little joint where you almost feel like you’ve stepped into suburbia, if not for the occasional celebrity dining across from you in sunglasses with a newspaper in front of their face. I always went for standard diner fare here, like eggs, pancakes, burgers, fries, and shakes. Never disappointed for what it is.

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I went to law school around the block from this little hole in the wall, and my first impression upon seeing it and walking in was that it was going to suck. It’s just a skinny, narrow little one story building with old school signage. But I have to say – this diner is one of the best I’ve ever been to in my life. The food is CHEAP too, but very good. Prime example is the burger. For under $10 you can get a burger deluxe with fries and a drink, and it’s good shit. The interior is close quarters: there’s a bar seating area and a dozen or so tables that stretch back into a narrowing corner. The fun part is that on occasion you will see some famous actors who live nearby eating there or grabbing coffee. This place is definitely worth a try, at the very least for the nostalgia and cheap-eats aspect. You will feel like you are out of town for sure.

SQUARE DINER
33 Leonard St.
New York, NY 10013

Taco House

Nothing to brag about here. This is one of those wham-bam thank you ma’am type of Mexican food joints run by Asians. Pretty much everything is under $2. It will fill you up, but make sure you’re close to a toilet bowl after about 30 minutes, just to be safe. This stuff got me through law school, so I can’t knock it too much. I always went for the bean burritos and the guacamole with grilled chicken, because the regular tacos were just too fucking greasy. Shit you pay, shits you get.

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TACO HOUSE
178 Church St.
New York, NY 10013

Pakistan Tea House

NOTE: THIS PLACE IS NOW CLOSED

One of my late night food fix spots, this place serves up great food for a low price. I get the Makhani chicken with spinach and chic peas over rice. Always satisfies, and the fresh made bread in the tandoori oven is amazing. Always tons of cabs out front = you know it is good.

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PAKISTAN TEA HOUSE
176 Church St.
New York, NY 10013

Ed’s Chowder House

NOTE: THIS PLACE IS CLOSED

Another neighborhood find, we came here because of the great happy hour deal. Cheap beer, cheap oysters, and cheap sliders. The sliders were so damn good that I vowed to return for a real burger. The cheese sauce on them was absolute heaven.

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Fries were wonderful – great seasoning and nicely crisped.

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Oysters were nice and fresh, clams too! At only $1.50 and $1 respectively, you can’t lose!

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Various chowders were nice too. My favorite here was the potato, with smoky hints of bacon.

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Salmon burgers are skippable:

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On a second trip, my wife scored a Gilt City deal where she paid something like $40/pp for a five course tasting menu, plus a glass of Prosecco.

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The table bread here is a variety of soft potato dinner rolls, corn bread “logs” and spicy muffins. Pretty good – I just wish they were warm.

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The restaurant ran out of mussels for our shellfish platter, so they gave us more oysters instead. BONUS! Our favorite was the Wildfire Island (unless it is Wild Fire Island?) – it was briny and smooth, creamy, crisp – yet substantial and not snotty or runny.

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Unfortunately the lobster was a little bland. The rest was good though (clams and shrimp).

Next was a nice cup of chowder. I had the mushroom chowder (right), and my wife had the New England clam chowder. Mine was the winner here. It was velvety and smooth, with lots of flavor, and topped with some truffle oil for good measure.

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The scallop ravioli was pretty great. There were a ton of scallop chunks inside. The only thing this dish needed was a bit of fresh cracked boac keeper. The sauce was a butter type deal – I suppose that could have used a little bit more salt as well, but we both really enjoyed this dish. It had a great seafood aroma too, but the flavor wasn’t fishy at all.

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For the entrees, we chose the two fish items. My Scuna Bay salmon was a small portion, but I thought it was executed perfectly. The brownish-gray puree was made of eggplant I believe, and it was tangy when combined with the roe and small chunks of squash. That served to flavor the salmon so that when you had a bite with a little bit of everything, i twas very well balanced.

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My wife’s potato chip crusted cod was similar. When eating a bit with all three components (cod, chip and spinach), you got a really nicely balanced bite. Otherwise the cod by itself was a little bit under seasoned. Much of the flavor was soaked up into that spinach bed.

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For dessert we had a massive selection to choose from:

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We ended up getting the vanilla banana cream pie. This was tasty. You can see the chunks of banana in the layer, which was pretty. Not too sweet, which I was happy about.

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My wife ordered the Cheeky Monkey drink as well. This was strong! Definitely had a strong banana flavor to it too, aside from the booze.

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The waiter gave us some free cookies too. I can’t imagine paying for these. Basic chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin and chocolate. I wasn’t really crazy about any of them, but if I had to choose a favorite, it’d be the oatmeal raisin. It was at least soft.

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Overall this was a pretty great meal for $40 or $45 per person (whatever my wife paid). She got a discount on top of the Gilt City deal, so that made it even better. I still like the sliders better that all of this though, from the happy hour menu.

ED’S CHOWDER HOUSE
44 W. 63rd St.
New York, NY 10023

Ornella Trattoria

Meet Giuseppe Viterale, a meat man after my own heart.

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After putting his architecture career to the side, Giuseppe came to the US from Italy, sight unseen. He diligently worked his way up through the restaurant industry, all the way from bus boy, to waiter, to manager, and, eventually, to owner of his own restaurant, Ornella, which is romantically named after his wife of 25 years and staffed with his sons.

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But that’s not where it ends. Giuseppe owns a pig farm in the Catskills where he spends lots of time working on and perfecting new recipes, and curing his own meats. SAY WHAT!?!??

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For the last few years, he’s been making his own prosciutto, fresh sausages, cured sausages, nduja sausages and other delicious meat items that end up on the seasonal and special menus at Ornella. As you can imagine, the result is a restaurant that is very meat-centric, fresh, dynamic and locally sourced. Shit, he even has a pretty impressive steak menu and hosts a steak night on Mondays for $15… FIFTEEN DOLLARS!!!

But this isn’t just a place for meat eaters either. There’s a sizable vegetarian selection, and the menu boasts an array of authentic Italian dishes. There’s even some unique items like duck meatballs and sanguinaccio (a chocolate blood pudding dessert), inventive sauces like pistachio pesto sauce and orange brandy sauce, and interesting pasta dishes made from hemp, buckwheat and chestnut flour – all made fresh in house.

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They’ve even recently added a pizza selection for the delivery menu:

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The joint has even been featured on ABC’s Eyewitness News:

My wife and I stopped in for a complimentary press dinner after Giuseppe reached out to me and let me know about his gem of a restaurant in Astoria.

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Giuseppe has an incredibly magnetic personality. He is overflowing with information and a desire to impart his knowledge of food history, his food philosophy and his ideas about food culture onto everyone around him. He has actually even considered hosting classes for this very reason. But what exactly is his philosophy? That food, what we eat, how we eat it, and the quality and history of our dishes, is central to everything; our humanity, our health and well being, our economy, our interpersonal relations, and our understanding of one another. And he’s right. The kitchen is the center of any home. The table is where we congregate as a family and actually interact with one another. In a living room, we simply stare at the television. All peoples with rich cultures have rich food cultures, he explained. One thing that crosses cultural, visual, and audio-linguistic barriers is our common need and desire for food. Food brings people together.

Another interesting aspect of Giuseppe’s philosophy was what he referred to as “slow food.” With everything becoming expensive and factory-commercialized, with the proliferation of fast food joints and instant gratification meals, he was drawn to start making his own products and spend real time making dishes as opposed to just buying products and preparing them for diners. This is how the pig farm started. Giuseppe found that he could either buy nduja sausage for $80, which wasn’t that good to begin with and was very difficult to find in the form he wanted due to embargoes and other impediments, or he could make his own and control every aspect of the flavor, just how he wanted. He explained that he could actually verify where an animal came from and what it ate while living, unlike what is happening now with “prosciutto di Parma.” He could ensure the quality, the spice level, and the firmness or texture of whatever he was making. He could take different parts of the animal and cook them each in their correct way in order to utilize the entirety of the animal without wasting the undesirable parts. So many places only cook the items that are quick and easy to move off the line in a kitchen. “Slow food” is more respectful to the product and the environment, he explained.

His passion and respect for food shines through his dishes, as does his inviting, innovative and creative personality. He has applied his background in architecture to his food endeavors. “In order to have a strong building, you first need to build a good foundation,” he said. Quality ingredients, strong, basic cooking techniques… “Then you can build up, you can build flavors.” Well if cooking is architecture, then Giuseppe is Frank Lloyd Wright, and his food is the Guggenheim. Not only is he great with the foundations, but he is wildly creative as he builds up from there.

Here’s what we tried:

First there were the massively poured goblet of Montepulciano wine. Very smooth yet robust and flavorful. A perfect red for meat eating. I had read about the large glasses of wine served here online. This was a treat, and they certainly live up to their reputation of BIG wine pours.

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The bread was a nice rustic style, crisp and flakey on the crust and soft and savory on the inside.

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Giuseppe sat with us and explained the two different types of sausages we were about to try, both of which were homemade at the farm upstate.

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First was the nduja, which is a Calabrian-originated product that is somewhat similar to French andouille, only soft like a pate, as well as spicy. It was spread across a nice slice of farm house bread. The main ingredients are pork belly and red peppers. Simple and delicious.

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I’ve never had anything like this before, where it can be spread across bread like butter or pate. It was absolutely amazing. The spice level was mild to medium, so it didn’t ruin your taste buds for the rest of the meal.

Next was the hard, dried sausage. This was aged and cured perfectly. It would make for a really amazing thin-sliced charcuterie plate, but it is equally great to just gnaw on like jerky. It had a wonderful natural flavor. You knew you were eating something that was made with care.

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We had the pleasure of trying the famous duck meatballs for our appetizer. In the center was a blend of mild cheeses like mozzarella and ricotta, so as not to take away any attention from the duck.

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The orange brandy sauce was a classic pairing with the duck, yet presented in an innovative Italian way in the form of a meatball. Those are raisins you see garnishing the plate as well.

Next up was probably my favorite of the savory courses. Pork chop, pounded flat, lightly breaded and fried, and rolled up / stuffed with mushroom, spinach and cheese, dressed in a marsala wine sauce with mushrooms and served  with absolutely perfectly executed cavatelli.

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Cavatelli is my favorite kind of pasta, so for me to rave about it here means a little something extra. I loved it – every last bite.

Next was some “slow food” braised beef short rib, on the bone, and served with gnocchi. This was topped with a reduction of the braising liquids, which was essentially carrots, celery, onion and a little bit of tomato.

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Despite the fact that I am not a huge fan of gnocchi to begin with (too starchy and often gummy for me), I really did enjoy this dish. The beef was tender and fell off the bone, and the sauce was impressive. When I heard “reduction of the braising liquid” I was expecting something very salty. This was actually kind of light for a beef sauce. Impressive.

Last, but certainly not least, was the absolute star of the show for both my wife and I. You can’t get it anywhere else in the world, as a matter of fact. Only in Astoria at this small restaurant. This is the sanguinaccio. It is a raviolo made from a mixture of chestnut and regular flour, fried up like an empanada but stuffed with a 50/50 mixture of pigs blood and chocolate, to make a blood pudding that’s been spiced with cinnamon, clove, orange peel and sugar. If I had to guess, 90% of people would cringe at the description of this, but all you need to do is take one fucking bite and you will have your entire world turned on its head.

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This is definitely a bucket dish: a dish to put on your bucket list, something you must try before you die. And I’m not the only one who thinks this way. This dish (as well as another made by Giuseppe), was featured in the book “1000 Foods to Eat Before You Die,” written by famous New York Times food critic Mimi Sheraton.

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I really can’t say enough good things about that dessert. It was amazing, and I’m generally not a sweets guy, and certainly not a chocolate guy. I’ve never seen blood served in a dessert manner. I’d had my fair share of blood sausages, congealed blood cubes like gelatin in asian soups, etc. But never like this in dessert. Amazing. I’ll definitely be back here soon, and I hope you make your way there as well. Go and experience this rare dish, and fall in love with all the other great innovations that Giuseppe has to offer. He’s truly a talented man.

ORNELLA TRATTORIA
29-17 23rd Ave.
Astoria, NY 11105

Num Pang

My wife recently “brought home the bacon” a few times with some delicious sandwiches from this joint.

First was the special Ad Rock (from the Beastie Boys) sandwich, which had pastrami and all the typical SE Asian sandwich fixings. This was pretty awesome, and came with cream soda and a bag of chips:

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Then she came home tonight with a trio of hard, pipe-hittin’ niggaz that would bring even Marsellus Wallace to his knees:

Catfish: my favorite of the three, I think. Oddly enough. This was light, flavorful and really well balanced between spicy, sweet, hot, cold, soft and crunchy.

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Pork belly: my second favorite. Deliciously soft thick-cut pork belly that was braised to a jerk worthy flavor level. I took three pics of this bitch.

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Brisket: my least favorite of the three, probably because it had too much western style BBQ flavor going on. Otherwise this was a killer sandwich as well. LOTS of meat here too.

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These ain’t your typical banh mi sandwiches, but they are fucking awesome.

NUM PANG
148 W 48th St
New York, NY 10036

Judge Roy Bean Public House

I heard the burger was good here, and I had been in for drinks in the past… so I went in for some food with a buddy of mine. The place has a cool namesake, after a crazy old judge from way back in US history who used to do some outlandish shit in his courtroom. You can read it on their website or Wikipedia. I ain’t going into it here.

With no happy hour specials for drinks, I stuck to the cheap shit ($4).

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I ordered the burger with American, but they didn’t have American, so I picked pepper jack. They offer this puppy for $10 during lunch hours (with fries AND a beer included), so I was a little bummed that there wasn’t at least a happy hour deal for drinks. This is $14:

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It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great either. It was mediocre pub food. The meat was cooked nicely, but the bun was a little weak:

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Fries were decent. Crispy and well seasoned.

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I mocked my friend for getting another chicken sandwich. This is the same guy that I routinely blast for ordering turkey burgers and grilled chicken sandwiches at bars. There are few things that standard bars can do well (outside of the gastro-pubs): they are burgers, wings and a variety of fried appetizer shit. I wasn’t surprised that his sandwich was way under par. It had a small smear of guacamole on it (instead of sliced avocados), a small, thin chicken breast, and the single slice of bacon was cold and limp, contrary to his asking for it well done and crispy. Oh well. Lesson learned – stop ordering bitch food at manly bars.

JUDGE ROY BEAN PUBLIC HOUSE
38 W. 56th St.
New York, NY 10019

Halal Guys

This review is for take-out from The Halal Guys’ new brick and mortar location, down near 14th Street and 2nd Avenue.

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I ordered the chicken and rice on the advice of my expert friend. He was going to tell me to get the mixed (lamb and chicken), but told me to keep it real on this first visit. His suggestion was great. The smell was amazing in the cab ride home, and with a midnight buzz going, I was salivating and eager to dive into this bitch.

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The chicken was flavorful and spicy, the lettuce was cool and crisp, and the rice was supple and textured. The sauces were both great, though I wasn’t a fan of the hot sauce as much as the white sauce. Perfect late night grub. I’ll definitely brave the lines in midtown during work, now that I know this place serves up some legit food.

HALAL GUYS
307 E. 14th St.
Manhattan, NY 10019