Category Archives: Product Reviews

Drums of the Pacific Luau

Drums of the Pacific Luau

The Hyatt in Kaanapali puts on a great show via Tihati Productions. This was a double whammy for my two big hobbies, other than writing: photography and eating.

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Dinner at the luau consisted of the following menu:

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As you can see, if you look closely, it says “Huli Huli Chicken!” I was really fucking excited for this, almost as much as the imu pit pork… but my boo-hooing started again when the sign at the buffet actually said teriyaki chicken. They must have went with teriyaki instead of Huli Huli that night. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to make it myself.

We started with a shitload of all-you-can-drink items. Blue Hawaiians, Mai Tais, Beer, Pina Coladas, etc.

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Anyway, the performers had a nice little ceremony where they unearthed the pig from the imu pit. This is called kalua pork. The pig is roasted whole in a shallow pit in the ground. The pig is wrapped in banana leaves to keep in the moisture (steamed), and flavored with Hawaiian salts and spices. Since it is cooked directly on hot lava rock and charcoal, there is a really nice smoke flavor to the pig when it’s all done.

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I don’t think, however, that the pulled pork we had from the buffet line was from the same pig that was unearthed in the ceremony. First, it was ready too quickly (most of the buffet was already set up and covered prior to our arrival as well). Second, there was no skin or hot drippy fat to be seen. Most of the meat was on the dry side, though it did have a lot of flavor.

Here’s the buffet line:

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Here’s my plate, locked and loaded:

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The ahi poke was much better here than in Hana, by the way.

Dessert was pretty nice here too. There was macadamia nut fudge brownies, macadamia nut chocolate mousse, coconut custard, bread pudding, and pineapple upside down cake. All of it was really nicely done.

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The luau show itself was really fun and entertaining. Check out some of the pics below. There was even some crazy fire knife dancing!

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Elena’s Original Lapid

We hit a few local grocery stores and picked up some fantastic looking pork rinds and chicken skin chicharones. Look at the quality! These are dense, crispy and really flavorful.

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This is real deal skin and fat that’s been fried crisp, not like some products that are essentially flavored corn crisps or some other bullshit. I will be stocking up on these things big time.

Dole Whip at Lappert’s Ice Cream

Dole Whip at Lappert’s Ice Cream

This Dole Whip business is dairy free, gluten free and cholesterol free.

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Essentially it is pineapple that has been whipped into some sort of magical soft serve ice cream swirl. Apparently they also have it in other locations, like Disney World or something.

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It was good! Soft, tasty, fresh. It would be very easy to put down gallons of this shit.

Ulupalakua Vineyard – Maui WIne

Ulupalakua Vineyard

Maui Wine / The Tedeshi Winery makes some nice tasting pineapple wines, both bubbly, and flat, dry and sweet. We had a chance to sample some as we got to the end of the Hana road trip.

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My favorite was the sweet “Maui Splash” dessert wine. Strong and fruity, without going over the top.

Hasegawa General Store Spam Musubi

We started a day of driving and hiking with the local breakfast of champions from the Hasegawa General Store – spam musubi.

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This was my first time eating spam. Admittedly it was pretty fucking good. It’s served crispy / browned on hot rice with sesame seeds, Japanese seasonings, and wrapped in nori. It tasted like a good sausage mixed with spiced ham to me. I’m sold.

Nani Moon Mead

We sampled some Nani Moon mead and local cigars from Kauai to get a good buzz before what would likely be an uncomfortable sleep with no AC. Luckily I zonked out pretty quickly, but not before thoroughly enjoying the mead. I became aware of this company when their Instagram account liked and commented on a few of my mead-making photos. I looked into their products and flavors, and decided that we should give it a try. A good choice!

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Halfway to Hana House

The drive to Hana was actually pretty fun. I was expecting death or dismemberment from the way it was described by nearly everyone I know who had been there. Parts are crazy and tight, and bumpy in the unpaved spots, but you’re going to be safe if you’re a moderately good driver.

We snacked on some banana bread from the “Halfway to Hana” shack along the way, and got down on a bag of spicy Vietnamese pork rinds along with our leftover Cow Pig Bun pork rinds.

The banana bread was really flavorful and moist, spiced with comforting shit like nutmeg, cinnamon and cloves.

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Burger King’s Halloween Whopper

My wife and I pulled into a roadside rest stop on our way to a wedding out of town. I figured I would take the opportunity there to try the new Halloween Whopper, with the black bun and A1 sauce.

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You hardcore burger fans might remember that Japan had a similar burger in their Burger King chains recently as well. Anyway, here’s a quick video of my first impressions:

The Halloween Whopper is actually pretty tasty. Just like a regular whopper but with a pungent kick from the A1. And yes – the rumors are true: it actually does make your shit turn green! So I guess that makes it a trick as well as a treat.

Maui Brewing Company

At Maui Brewing Company I got to sample six interesting beers:

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Hot Blonde, Pau Hana Pilsner, 808 Crystal Wheat, Imperial Coconut Porter, Vienna Waits For You, and Barefood Brew. The best was the Hot Blonde; a light amber colored beer with a spicy habanero kick at the finish. Awesome.

At Kamaole Beach III I relaxed with a nice pair of cans (and one from another local brewery). All awesome. But Mana Wheat and Coconut Porter are officially two of my favorite beers now.

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Primal Jerky

We have turkey and grass-fed beef here. Both were a little tough and hard, but the turkey was the more flavorful product of the two. Beef is on the left, and turkey is on the right:

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Some of the others I’ve sampled here and reviewed for the site are much better. Softer, more flavorful, easier to chew, etc. I’d pass on this one in the future.