Tag Archives: burger

Burgers, Pub Food, Restaurant Reviews, Union Square/Flatiron

Old Town

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Old Town is one of NYC’s oldest and most awesome bars. It opened in 1892 and has remained relatively unchanged since.

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Even the urinals are old, and big (for big cocks): the kind that used to be at the Village Idiot, Ear Inn, Gallagher’s and Pastis.

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Anyway the burger here is supposed to be pretty good, as is the burger over at Pete’s down the block, so my buddy had the brilliant idea that we set out to try a few burgers in the area in one night. We ended up hitting three places, because we have massive balls swinging between our legs. Here is the Old Town burger:

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This was easily the best burger of the night. Juicy, nicely cooked, a good amount of cheese. Nice and simple. The only down side was that the fries were a bit under-seasoned, and the bun was a little hard or crumbly after toasting. Stick with the potato bun!

OLD TOWN
45 E. 18th St.
New York, NY 10003

Burgers, Union Square/Flatiron

Clarke’s Standard

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UPDATE: THIS LOCATION IS NOW CLOSED!

For the third and final stop on our burger crawl, we hit Clarke’s Standard, which is owned by the PJ Clarke’s folks. I assumed we were splitting another burger like at the last two joints of our crawl (Old Town and Pete’s), but my buddy strapped on a pair of elephant balls and said “fuck that shit I’m getting my own burger.” I have to say I was impressed with his resolve. Not one chicken sandwich all night long, and essentially two beers per location for a total of six… with lots of water in between to stay hydrated and to beat back the raw onions. HAHA! It was a good night, out at 4:30pm, home by 10pm.

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This place has a solid little burger, and the fries were hands down the best of the night.

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It’s like fast food in terms of atmosphere, but the quality is much better. Check out this mid-squirt money shot:

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They even have some cool decor of old meat scales.

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The guy who greeted us was Malik – an amazing, funny dude who was talkative and putting everyone in a great mood. He even hooked us up with some ice cream:

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Paulie says "fuck you" to the camera.
Paulie says “fuck you” to the camera.

The only down side here was that Malik said his favorite steak was from Sizzler. My man – I hope you contact me because we need to grab a steak somewhere else together. I bet even sinking your teeth into one at PJ Clarke’s will change your whole outlook on steaks.

Burgers, Flash Deals, Midtown East, Restaurant Reviews

Dag’s Patio Cafe

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I picked up a Groupon for this joint recently: $16 for two burgers, two fries and two shakes. They were out of shakes, so they gave us beer and wine instead. Not bad!

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So this place stands out as one of the better burgers that I’ve had recently and the reason is because of two things: (1) ratio of bread to meat to toppings, and (2) the potato roll. We tried the applewood bacon cheddar burger with grilled onions, and the Dag burger with lettuce, tomato, onion and American (fuck yeah) cheese. Both were wonderful.

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For point number one, regarding ratios, I implore you to look at the cross-section of the burger. Look at it. Not too much bun. Meat is a decent thickness, but not so thick that you have to unhinge your fucking jaw. Just a couple of basic toppings so you aren’t stacking up shit on top of shit and building a skyscraper.

Applewood bacon burger
Applewood bacon burger
Dag burger with cheese
Dag burger with cheese

As for point number two, the potato roll holds up to intense scrutiny like no other. It is strong, yet soft. It is flavorful and it absorbs juices. It is magical.

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As I was browsing the menu a few other items caught my eye. Typically I will try a Chicago dog before any other hot dog menu item (Chicago beats New York on hot dogs, but New York beats Chicago on pizza). However I was enticed by the Dag dog, so I gave that a try.

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The Dag dog was essentially the same as the bacon, cheddar and grilled onion burger but in dog form. It was nice. Not too sloppy, as a Chicago dog can sometimes be. They also split the dog and griddled it up nice on the flat top.

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The fries were nice too. A thicker style but not quite steak fries. Nicely crisped on the outside and soft inside. A good sized portion too. The overhead pic from above shows the accurate portion size pre-gorging. The pic below was taken after I attacked those shits for a few minutes, dipping them in the Sri Racha ketchup and Tabasco mayo that I masterfully mixed up at their fixin’s bar.

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DAG’S PATIO CAFE
342 E. 47th St.
New York, NY 10017

Burgers, Midtown West, Pub Food, Restaurant Reviews

Alfie’s

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I stopped into Alfie’s for a late night bite to get my burger fix in. The meat was not seasoned enough, but it was certainly cooked to the proper temperature. It was good and juicy. I just wish they packed on some salt and pepper before slapping this titty-fuck onto the grill. The rosemary herb fries were nicely cooked too, but they needed seasoning and salt as well:

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ALFIE’S
800 9th Ave.
New York, NY 10019

American, Burgers, Midtown West, Pub Food, Restaurant Reviews

Rosie O’Grady’s Saloon

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I popped in here for a quick lunch with a buddy of mine who was in town for a convention. I’d never been here before despite walking by a million times and always being aware of its existence. Perhaps I just assumed it was a standard overpriced midtown tourist trap or something.

So I took down their burger. I had a feeling it was going to be thick, so I didn’t go crazy with toppings: just cheese. I was right. Look at this fat fuck:

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It was nice and tasty, well seasoned… and well… done… I ordered medium but it came back pretty much well done.

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There’s still a slight bit of pink in there, so maybe medium well.

Anyway, the fries were not my preferred style. I like shoestring but these were steak fries.

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The odd thing was that my buddy ordered a chicken sandwich and his came with shoestring fries. Hmm.

Anyway, the burger was still good despite being overcooked, So I may venture back in here for a steak some day, or perhaps the corned beef sandwich.

ROSIE O’GRADY’S
800 7th Ave.
New York, NY 10019

American, Burgers, Flash Deals, Midtown West, Restaurant Reviews

Hudson Eatery

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I grabbed a local Groupon deal for this joint to try out their burger. It turned out to be a pretty good meal. $30 for two drinks, two entrees, and a shared app.

We started off with some drinks, beer & wine:

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Next came the apps (we ordered an additional). Bacon and onion mac and cheese, followed by chili duck sauce shrimp. Both were tasty, though I didn’t think the $3 up charge for the bacon and onion in the mac was worth it. Also the shrimp came with a thousand island dipping sauce which didn’t mix well with the asian style sauce that was already on them. Other than that the batter and frying were perfect.

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Then the burger came out. I ordered a burger with American cheese, bacon, and jalapeños. My only gripe was that the bun was a little flakey/crusty, but other than that it was well seasoned, they used fresh jalapeños, the bacon was crisp, the cheese was melty and good, and the burger was cooked just right.

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The fries were pretty good too – nicely salted, unlike Thalia from the night before, but with that same natural cut style.

My wife had a salmon sandwich that looked pretty nice as well, topped with lettuce, tomato, onion, and avocado.

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HUDSON EATERY
601 W. 57th St.
New York, NY 10019

American, Burgers, Long Island

Joe’s Sirloin Burger Grill

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This new joint on Long Island serves up some pretty damn good grub. And it’s right near my brother’s house, so now there’s a sweet go-to spot for when I visit.

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I had the classic bacon cheeseburger with added jalepenos. This was awesome. My only real gripe is that I wish they used fresh jalapeños instead of pickled pre-sliced ones. No matter though, because it was still jerkworthy:

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I had half of my wife’s gorgonzola burger too. This was great as well, and the cheese did not overwhelm the meat:

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The cool thing is that, like Charly’s, the burgers are packed in clamshells rather than wrapped up in paper. The rigid packaging material prevents burgers from getting all fucked up in the bag if you buy it to go.

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The fries and onion rings were solid too. I liked the onion rings better than the fries, but I attribute that to the fact that they held up better in the bag. We arrived out to LI late, so my brother picked dinner up for us. Even after sitting in the bag for a while the fried items were still pretty crispy. Nice!

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JOE’S SIRLOIN BURGER GRILL
1400 Lakeland Ave
Bohemia, NY 11716

American, Burgers, Restaurant Reviews, Upper East Side

JG Melon

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I came in here with my wife and parents on a Sunday morning at 11:40am. The place was already jam packed and it was non-stop even after we left.

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This place is a landmark NYC icon.  A cash-only wonder. A haven for burger aficionados. A pub crawler’s dream.

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Since this place consistently ranks among the top burger places in NYC, I had to try it. My verdict: I think the name has some hype to it, like a Peter Luger steak. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but not THAT good.

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My dad and I had bacon cheeseburgers. Each coming in at $11.50, these fuckers are a bit on the pricey side, especially since they don’t come with fries. I ordered medium, but it came back pretty much well done. I didn’t take a look at my dad’s. Sucks, but it was at least very tasty.

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Great bun – they stick to the potato bun which holds up under intense scrutiny. Bacon was crispy, and cheese was yellow and American, just how I like it.

The fries were little discs. Crisp on the outside, soft and mushy on the inside. I just prefer a tradition stick shape.

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My wife had a grilled cheese with tomato and bacon. Also a hefty price tag at $11+ without fries. It was, however, very good.

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My mom had an omlette – very good portion size, and it came with fries.

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For dessert, my wife and I split the sour cream apple walnut pie, which we noticed while reading over the wall-o-desserts and taking in all the watermelon themed art.

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Delicious. Not too sweet, nice and warm, and a really great way to end a meal on a cold day.

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Cool thing about this place too is that the kitchen is wide open to your viewing, and small/basic as hell:

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JG MELON
1291 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10021

Burgers, Midtown West, Pub Food, Restaurant Reviews

McHales

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McHale’s was once known for its great burgers. It recently closed, switched locations (slightly) and re-opened. I’m not sure if the management is the same, or the chef, or any of that. The place is gorgeous inside, very classy and old school-ish. And yet they play UFC fight events in there, which is good for me since I am a fan.

On to the burger.

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At $13 for the McHale’s burger with a slice of american and fries, this baby is near perfect. The only downer was the sesame seed bun that was a bit crumbly and got thin along the bottom once the burger was stacked up. It came with lettuce, onion, tomato and pickle. Photo lighting credit goes to my chicken-sandwich eating friend, who sacrificed half an apartment rental commission to dine with yours truly. That’s a $600 chicken sandwich he had!

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Fries were great too – well seasoned and crispy.

MCHALES
251 W. 51st St.
New York, NY 10019

Burgers, Midtown West

Black Iron Burger

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Chalk another burger joint off the list, assholes!

My wife had a work dinner, so my buddy and I came here to see if this place truly lives up to their motto: nobody beats their meat. Verdict? I can beat my own meat better than they can beat their meat. That’s not to say the burger was bad – just that it could use some improvement.

So this time I am happy to report that my buddy strapped on a pair of balls and decided to actually get a burger instead of salad or a chicken sandwich. He almost went with a turkey burger but decided it wouldn’t be worth it, given the lashing he’d get on this review for doing so. Either way, he gets some shit for it. But he did make up for his vaginal tendencies with three manly beers that came in at high ABV content.

On to the beef. I had the black iron burger, the house signature burger. It has two 4oz burgers, two thick slices of horseradish cheddar, horseradish sauce, and caramelized onions. Solid. I added lettuce, tomato, pickle and jalapeño on top of that little slut to make it taste like warm molasses titty milk. I don’t know what that even means – I just had to publish it.

The bread was a little bit lacking. The top of the bun was a little too hard, and the bun itself seemed to crumble a bit as I got further along into the gorging. The meat itself was fine – good quality shit, and good cheese ratio as well. All in all it was a decent meal, despite having to wait a fuck-ass of a long time for a seat because it was more crowded than a whore house near a military base.

So here’s the pr0n:

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It was too dark for photos, so I had to use the fucking flash, which I hate. Also, we did try some fries and onion rings. Both were okay, but you may be better off grabbing some McDonalds fries from around the corner – same style at about half the price, though this joint does offer some french fry variations like garlic herb and other nonsense (they smelled fantastic at neighboring tables).

BLACK IRON BURGER
245 W 38th St
New York, NY 10018