All posts by Johnny Prime

The Problem With Salads

August 20, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

Problems, plural, I should say… And I know you’re probably thinking the obvious: “He’s going to say ‘The problem with salads is that they aren’t steaks,’ or something.” And, yeah, sure… that’s ONE problem with salads. But coming from a steak blog, that shit would be way too predictable. Look: I do like a good salad from time to time. I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s not all meat, all the time for me, otherwise I’d be battling THE GOUT. So my analysis here… what I’m about to get at with this post… is something deeper.

Let’s get this salad tossed, shall we?

Wikipedia defines a salad as “a dish consisting of small pieces of food, which may be mixed with a sauce or salad dressing.” We can’t stop there, however, because that’s way too fucking open-ended. According to that definition, if we cut up a rib eye and put it on a plate, then it suddenly becomes a salad. Boil pasta, strain and put in a bowl… Presto: salad! FUUUUCK that, right? So let’s unpack this salad bullshit a little further…

Wikipedia goes on to arbitrarily break salads down into seven types:

(1) Green or Garden Salads: leafy greens. Example: Caesar salad.

(2) Vegetable Salads: no leafy greens. Examples: Greek salad, bean salad.

(3) Bound Salads: held together with the use of a thick sauce. Examples: tuna salad, potato salad, chicken salad, macaroni salad.

(4) Main Course Salads: typically a green or garden salad with higher protein content, like grilled chicken or sirloin. Other than that and the portion size, I guess there is no real difference between this and a Green/Garden Salad.

(5) Fruit Salads: pretty self explanatory.

(6) Dessert Salads: usually sweet. Example: ambrosia. I suppose a fruit salad can also be a dessert salad if served at the end of a meal. I’m sensing some serious weakness in these salad categories.

(7) Composed Salads: Wikipedia says that the difference here is that these are served on a plate rather than in a bowl. Fucking stupid distinction, if you ask me. I wonder if a deconstructed or artistically plated salad would fall into this category. Those weren’t even discussed.

A decent attempt, I will grant that – and some of the types of salads seem to hold true. But as you can tell, this rudimentary classification system, while seeming to start out pretty solid, begins to fall apart and lose all sense of logic toward the end – especially when you apply the wide-open Wikipedia definition of a salad to food items, and then try to determine which type of salad it is.

For example: What about my cut up rib eye example? Technically it fits Wikipedia’s shitty definition of a salad, but it doesn’t fall into any of the seven categories. So, okay… what… we have vegetable and fruit salads, but no fucking MEAT salads? What the fuck, bro? “But what about chicken salad? That’s a meat salad.” NOPE, ASSHOLE! If you read carefully, you would’ve seen that chicken salad is a category (3) BOUND salad, since it is held together by a thick sauce (mayo). If I was forced to write that shitty Wiki page, I would have at least added: (8) Meat Salads.

So, long story short, we’ve thoroughly established that Wikipedia sucks. As such, I’m going to completely scrap that bullshit and hit you with my own, genius take on this whole salad thing.

Let’s start from the beginning… which I am summarizing from Wikipedia… (that’s hypocrisy, but it’s fucking hilarious).

The word salad actually derives from the French and Latin words for “salt” or “salty.” It’s English-language use – “sallet” – as a name for a food item other than simple salt as a seasoning, dates back to the 1300’s. Salty brine water or salt-seasoned oil and vinegar dressing combinations were typically used to flavor vegetables in those days. By the late 1600’s/early 1700’s, we know that salads were mainly comprised of mixed greens with dressing. Okay cool. I like that. Seems logical and makes sense to me, given what I instantly think of when I hear the word “salad.”

But after that, we started fucking things up and making shit really confusing by calling almost anything a salad, just because we fucking felt like it. Leave it to the Americans to fuck things up, right? Wrong. We fucked up this one salad thing, and maybe a few other things here and there, but on the whole we pretty much fucking RULE as a society, providing people all over the world with awesome shit like freedom, hot dogs and porn.

And DON’T FUCKING ARGUE WITH ME on that. You’ll lose. I win at shit; that’s what I do. This entire salad post stems from an argument that my family has had over and over, at almost every fucking holiday meal. I win the salad argument every time. So either get on board or get run over.

I take this shit seriously, because I firmly believe that words have meaning, and meanings should be easily apprehended. When we start fucking around with the meanings of words, suddenly shit gets turned upside down. I’ve even guest-hosted my friends’ Hungry Dads podcast on the topic of salads. You can listen here if you want:

I’ve sort of evolved my point of view since then. I used to be a fan of “any mixture of ingredients bound by or garnished with a dressing,” whereby a dressing could be something as simple as salt, sugar, or oil, as per the etymology and history of salads. But then there’s the fruit salad… usually just pieces of fruit with no dressing at all. The bottom line is that a salad can be, literally, just about anything unless you start acting like a fucking man and drawing some meaningful lines in the sand. Otherwise if you drop a taco into a bowl so that the shell breaks up into pieces, the result is a taco salad.

My cousin has tried to go with “solid and unorganized” as an all-encompassing definition that might include all of the weird, non-leafy green salads that are out there. But I take issue with that, because sometimes the plating of a salad can be artistic and highly organized. Any type of Japanese plating, for example, or a Caprese salad, which is often neatly layered, would stand as exceptions.

Side bar here on the Caprese salad (tomato and mozzarella, with some basil and olive oil): Where does it fit into Wikipedia’s shitty categories? Vegetable salad? But it is equally CHEESE. Yet there’s no CHEESE SALAD category… Another Wikifail.

Want some more humdingers for the Wiki definition? What about chili? Shit what about SOUP? I’ve had thick and chunky versions of soups and chili that were more like “pieces of food with sauce” that could have been eaten with a fork. Also what about pasta, which I briefly mentioned above? That shit is certainly within a definition as “pieces of food with sauce.” Ridiculous.

So What The Fuck Actually IS A Salad?!??

I have several proposals, or rules and observations, if you will:

1. Majority Raw Leafy Greens
My first proposal falls in line with the common usage and traditional historical understanding of salads, and I think should set the backbone of the definition. Let’s be realistic here. As modern Americans, when we hear the word “salad,” most of us immediately think of raw leafy greens as a majority component of the dish, right? The other supposed “Bound Salads” or “Vegetable Salads” are an afterthought, or exceptions to our normal way of thinking about the salad. Let’s analyze taco salad as an example. The majority of the stuff is meat and cheese and shell. The lettuce is a lesser component, often times. That’s why I joked earlier about dropping a taco and having it suddenly become a salad. But the skewed proportions of the various components would remove it from this first proposal. I DO, however, grant that a taco salad COULD indeed be a salad if most of the shit you’re eating is raw leafy greens, with less cheese, meat and taco shell as toppings. We have to be reasonable when examining the proportions. We must realize that a salad is typically consumed before a main course. But in the event that there is an entree-sized salad, serving as a main course with more protein added (like a grilled chicken Caesar salad), then we must use reasonableness and objectivity to decide whether the addition of such protein removes the dish from the realm of salad. It likely depends on how much is added.

2. Non-Leafy Green “Salads” Are Not Salads
My second proposal is somewhat of an offshoot of the first proposal. It posits that all non-leafy green salads are NOT salads. They are simply other appetizers, sides or desserts. For this proposal, simply ask yourself: Is the item something that is more likely to be sandwiched between two pieces of bread for lunch (chicken salad, tuna salad), or served in a bowl as a side to your meal (potato salad, pasta salad)? Perhaps you ordered it for dessert, like fruit salad? If so, then I’m sorry, ace, but what you’re eating isn’t a fucking salad. Example: a Caprese salad is simply another kind of appetizer. Tougher example: coleslaw is a side – despite being made of raw leafy greens (cabbage) – because it usually comes with or on the SIDE… in a little bowl next to a pickle… on the SIDE of… your chicken “salad” sandwich platter, or burger deluxe platter, or what have you. Slaw is also often a sandwich topper, to add a crunch element in the same way that a few leaves of lettuce would be added to a burger. Use your common sense, people! Gut instinct! If that’s not good enough, cabbage isn’t listed HERE as a salad green (although, to be fair, neither is crisp head, aka iceberg lettuce). Cabbage is from a different family of plants than lettuce, however (Asteraceae). As such I think the distinction holds despite the website not listing iceberg lettuce.

3. Never Warm
My third proposal is that a salad can never be warm. That is one of the ultimate unifying factors across nearly all salads, even the weird ones, with the exception of warm German potato salad. I say that bullshit is a side item, not a salad (see second proposal). My cousin posed an interesting question to this “warmth” issue: “What if we put a hot, cooked protein on top of the salad?” My response was that we should never do that, because we will wilt the greens and ruin the salad. See what I did there? I attacked the premise of his question. But to address his concern, I say we should let the protein cool off, but as long as most of the salad is still cold and not completely wilted, I suppose it is still a salad, all things considered.

4. Use Of A Fork
My fourth proposal, which is more of an observation really, is that a salad is pretty much always consumed with a fork (or sometimes chopsticks). I suppose they could be devoured by hand, but we are civilized. A knife is permissible if you want to cut smaller pieces of leafy greens per bite, but if you’re using a spoon to eat it for some reason, then it likely isn’t a salad. Sorry, pal. “What about a lettuce cup eaten with your hands?” Sorry again, dude. That’s some other kind of appetizer, not a salad. Get with the program!

5. Generally Healthy
My fifth proposal should be taken with a grain of “sallet:” A salad should… SHOULD… generally be somewhat healthy. The reasonable expectation that comes off of my first proposal is that the dish is healthy. However I realize that when you add eggs, meats and cheeses as toppings, or dump a boatload of cream-based dressing on top, you’re leaving the realm of healthy eating despite the majority component of your food being leafy greens. This is why I say “should” rather than the “must” or “never” language I used earlier in other proposals. It’s still a salad, but don’t think you’re fooling anyone if you say you’re eating healthy because you had a “salad.” With this in mind, I urge people to ask “what kind of salad” to those who casually say they had a salad for lunch in conversation. Telling someone “I had a salad” is utterly useless. Think about it: would something like “I had a sandwich” ever fly? Of course not. You say “I had pastrami on rye.” People like to know what was in that sandwich. Similarly, what was in the salad? People need to be specific. “I had an arugula salad with blue cheese, chic peas and onions.” Boom.

One final note here: I think a lot, if not all, of peoples’ concerns and “what abouts” can be easily plugged into my five proposals above and figured out. Simply apply the rules. A wedge salad, for example: Often just a hunk of iceberg lettuce, some olives and a dollop of blue cheese, plated completely deconstructed and separate, not mixed up, and sometimes very neatly or artistically. It’s still a salad because it satisfies every proposal, and the eater usually ends up combining it all anyway. Want another? Cooked spinach or broccoli that’s served cold with a lemon dressing. NOT a salad. Raw is a key component of proposal number one, above. Got it?

So that about does it. To recap, we basically have two MUST rules: (1) raw leafy greens are the majority component, and (2) it must be cold. The rest are suggestions, observations and/or SHOULD rules. Now get the fuck out of my face with this bitch shit. Go eat your girly salad, you fucking pussy.

Recipes

The Old Cactus

August 19, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

Here’s a quick drink recipe that will provide a smoky yet sweet cocktail to take the edge off and give you a little buzz.

2 parts elderflower liqueur
2 parts aged mezcal
1 part seltzer
lime juice
brown sugar

Stir it all together and serve on the rocks for a really nice cocktail.

Recipes

Breakfast Fried Rice

August 18, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

My wife and I dreamed up this incredible concoction about a week ago. Last night we finally gave it a shot. It’s a pretty straight forward recipe, so no real instructional videos or any other complicated bullshit to show you.

What The Fuck Do You Need?

Pre-cooked bacon (it’s just easier)
Eggs
Ham steak
Frozen breakfast sausage
Frozen spinach
Jalapeño pepper
Chives
Onion
Garlic
Shredded cheese
Potato
Crispy fried shallots
Leftover rice from the fridge
Butter
Olive oil

How The Fuck Do You Make It?

The first thing you’ll want to do is some basic prep. Dice up your ham steak, potato, onion and jalapeño. Mince your garlic, and slice your chives, bacon and sausage. These will be more like “toppings” for your rice, so as not to moisten the rice while cooking together.

Fry some shit off in olive oil and butter. I did the potato, pepper, onion and garlic together to form a hash, and then I put it aside in a bowl lined with paper towels to get rid of some of the grease and excess moisture.

Since we used frozen spinach (you can use fresh), we threw that in a pan by itself to dry it out and remove all the excess water.

We gave a little fry to the bacon and sausage too. Here are some of the components before adding to the rice:

Grab your rice and throw it into a hot buttery wok or pan.

Once its all hot, you can mix in your scrambled egg, which you should first cook in a separate pan:

Once you get some snap, crackle and pop going, and some crispy browned rice forming at the bottom of the pan/wok, you can lower the heat and fry off the other egg separately for the top of the rice:

Fill a bowl with rice and start to assemble your dish by adding the toppings. Don’t forget the cheese!

Here’s a jerkworthy shot of the finished product:

Dive in and eat. I like to mix it all around, break the yolk, fold the spinach in, etc. Then I get a little bit of everything in each bite.

Burgers, Flash Deals, Midtown East, NY Strip, Other Cuts, Porterhouse, Press Reviews, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

Charlie Palmer Steak

August 7, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

Charlie Palmer Steak overall score: 89

NOTE: This joint has MOVED locations.

My wife read an article about Charlie Palmer’s new steakhouse opening up at the old Rothman’s location. They were offering a 15% off promotion since it was their soft opening, so we jumped on it. My wife also made mention that we were celebrating a birthday on her OpenTable reservation (this will be important later).

Flavor: 9
We had two cuts of steak: the bone-on rib eye, and the teres major. I had never heard of that cut before. Apparently it is off the shoulder area, and is tender like a filet. To me, it was somewhere in between a hanger and a filet in flavor. It had a great char on the outside and was cooked perfectly medium rare on the inside.

The rib eye was really nice. Also perfectly cooked, and very juicy with only a little bit of bleed out going on. My only gripe is that I think the rib eye needed some more seasoning. I found myself dipping into the sauces too often for a boost of flavor, but the sauces were very good (see below).

Here’s a shot of the bernaise sauce, though I think I enjoyed the horseradish cream and the Charlie Palmer signature steak sauces a little better:

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 10
This place has a really big selection of cuts. See below:

I was excited to see stuff that I had never heard of before, so that’s a big win for this joint. Also the presence of high end meats makes for a dynamic dining experience: you can always come back and try something new each visit.

Portion Size & Plating: 8
Portions here are average. I know the trend is “bigger is better,” but that’s not always the case. At least here you know you are getting great quality. The plating is pretty nice too, which you will see in the shots below.

Price: 10
This score is subjective, I know, because we got an incredible 15% off promotion, AND our waiter, Charles, took a few items like sides and desserts off the bill because we were celebrating a birthday. That was pretty awesome. Had we not had those benefits, I may have scored this an 8 or possibly even a 7. Prices are really starting to skyrocket these days. I know rent is high, but it may start to turn diners away when they see a steak for almost $60.

Bar: 9
The new modern bar is nice. It’s got a direct line of sight to the street, through large windows that open like shutters, so that’s cool. It is definitely going to be a vibrant lunch and after work spot in midtown, especially since they kept the magnanimous bar tender Mike from the old Rothman’s. He’s somewhat of a famous cat in there.

The drinks were really nice too. My martini was mixed perfectly, and the “Doctor’s Note” was absolutely delicious with the Laphroaig added in there for smoke.

Specials and Other Meats: 8
There were no specials read to us at the table, so not sure if this will be something they plan to add once the main opening happens. Otherwise, they do have a nice selection of other meats to choose from aside from beef. As a side note here, they do offer a seven course tasting menu that looks out of this world.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 9
We started with the chicken liver and fois gras pate, which was creamy and rich, yet not heavy at all. The fig jam that it came with was delicious, with healthy chunks of the fruit within:

Next was the yellowtail sashimi served up on a salt rock. Very nice and fresh, with a touch of herbiness:

We shared a shellfish platter for one ($38). It came with two each of crab claws, oysters, clams, and shrimp, with a half a lobster tail and a single lobster claw. Not bad, but I felt the clams were not that great (may have been a larger variety than Little Necks), and the amount of shellfish was a bit lacking for almost $40, though probably fine for one person I suppose.

On the side we had a nice variety of items. First was grilled oyster mushrooms. These were meaty and earthy. Very nice:

Then we had a truffle twice baked potato. This was the star of the show. It was like mashed potato mixed with cheese and truffles and then put back into the baked potato carcass. Really good shit.

Then we tried the Jersey corn. Nothing special here but it was very tasty and fresh, and nicely seasoned.

For desert we had two items: a cheesecake pudding, which was fucking delicious. Lighter than a cheesecake and really silky smooth, with graham cracker crumble on top.

The other was a blueberry and raspberry cobbler with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. This was heart warming and comforting.

Seafood Selection: 8
There’s a great deal of seafood on the menu. We only got to try the shellfish platter, so I can’t really judge this category based on only that item. Next visit.

Service: 10
Charles, our waiter, was amazing. He had some nice suggestions for us, and he was really nice. I was really shocked that he had some items taken off of our bill because we were celebrating a birthday. Total class act! I hope you readers are fortunate enough to have him as your waiter if you decide to go.

A few other mentions here: the table bread was really good. Three different types of bread in a sack. One was a sliced dinner roll, another was a really tasty and crispy-crusted Italian bread, and the last was a potato and onion roll that had actual pieces of potato and onion in the bread.

Ambiance: 8
They’ve made a good improvement on the old Rothman’s decor. Although I tend to prefer traditional over modern, the modern they chose for here is toned down and elegant. Take a look:

There’s even a small private dining area in the back:

And the cutlery is pretty cool looking, and felt really natural in your hands:

SECOND TRIP UPDATE

On a second trip, my wife and I noticed that they changed up the decor a bit (those ball lights were replaced, and the private room got a make over). Still a similar vibe though. Charles is unfortunately no longer working there. Bummer! But hopefully he is on to bigger and better things.

We used a Gilt City deal that got us an app, a porterhouse for two, a side, a glass of wine each, and a signed cookbook. My wife, of course, got that at a heavy discount as well, so I think our entire meal with all the perks cost her like $15 less than the porterhouse itself.

To start, we got this awesome thick slab pork belly/bacon dish that came with a fried quail egg and potato hash, served in a hot skillet. This was probably the best bacon dish I’ve ever tried. Sticky, crispy, meaty, fatty and packed with flavor.

We also tried the Alaskan king crabcake with fried green tomatoes and corn relish. This was really tasty, and it reminded me of a similar dish we had at Minton’s. The tomato added a nice zingy tart punch.

At first bite, I thought the porterhouse was a bit under seasoned, but the dish was served with a bowl of freshly shaved sea salt for you to flavor to taste. Excellent! Check out the beautiful presentation of this steak. I usually hate the “sizzling platter” for a steak, because I worry about the steak continuing to cook while it sits in the skillet. But nothing got messed up here, as you can see from the perfect medium rare cooking temp.

On the side we had the truffle mac & cheese. We were excited about it because the truffle baked potato was so good last time, but this ultimately fell flat. The pasta tasted grainy and watered down. The cheese sauce lacked punch, and the truffle was more aroma than flavor. I would have likely ordered those oyster mushrooms again from above, but they were no longer offered on the menu.

For dessert we shared what was probably the best carrot cake we have ever tasted. It was moist and flavorful without being overly rich. So good.

A nice bonus was being able to meet Chef Ryan Lory, who I have been following on Instagram for a while now. I encourage you to do the same – his food pics are really awesome, and most of his shots are what he is whipping up for the tasting menu in the kitchen at the steakhouse. Check him out below, getting some tourist love:

THIRD TRIP UPDATE 6/25/17

I was recently invited into Charlie Palmer to help influence for their new 50/50 burger, which is a grind that’s half bacon and half beef. It’s available on Fridays for 50% off through Labor Day.

I have to say, I really liked this burger. Honestly, it didn’t look like much coming out, and I was skeptical of the grind for various reasons (can’t cook bacon – even Neuskes, which is what they use – to medium rare and hope for a good texture). But this thing was majorly good.

It had the sear quality of a steak on the patty, and it was cooked nicely to medium rare all the way though. No rubbery bacon content, and you got that smokey sweetness without it being overboard for the sake of “baconness.”

The fries are really something special too. Somewhere in between regular thickness and potato sticks – shoestring, if you will. Beautifully cooked and nicely seasoned.

Martini game is still on point.

And this time I tried a bolognese tagliatelle pasta dish that was really rich and flavorful. Nicely prepared.

As for the steaks, this time I tried a bone-in strip steak.

A solid 8/10 for flavor. Wonderful ashy char on the outside and nice temperature inside.

Asparagus was good.

Really enjoyed the tomato-based steak sauce with the mashed potatoes.

Olive oil cake dessert was a bit dry in parts but still flavorful.

I was bummed out to see that their oyster mushroom side was no longer offered, and neither was the terres major or the rib eye for one. On the bright side, we did get to meet Charlie Palmer himself. Such a nice man, extremely hand-on and talented.

OLD ADDRESS:
CHARLIE PALMER STEAK
5 E 54th St
New York, NY 10022

NEW ADDRESS:
Archer Hotel New York
47 W 38th St
New York, NY 10018

Carcass Club/Beast Feast, Chinese, Flash Deals, Lower East Side/Chinatown, Restaurant Reviews

Golden Unicorn

August 7, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

My wife picked up a Living Social deal for an eight course Peking duck dinner at Golden Unicorn, which is otherwise famous for its dim sum service. I was pretty impressed overall. But let me babble about a few other things first…

First off, I absolutely love this part of town. East Broadway and the surrounding side streets encircling the Manhattan Bridge still feel like old NYC. Not much has changed, save for a few new buildings poking up here and there. Walking around, you’ll feel like you’ve stepped back in time, possibly even into another country.

This area is the real deal Chinatown, unlike the tourist-laden, knock-off selling, shitty DVD purveying hustle on Canal street. Take a closer look in these parts, or allow a lingering eye to glance into some storefronts, and you’ll spy people working at a ground floor dumpling factory. You’ll see produce, dry goods and health products that most white people have no idea about, and you can’t even read the signs to get more info, because they’re all in Chinese. It has a busy, bustling vibe and I love it.

Okay on to the fucking food. First up was egg drop soup with chicken. This was pretty good, though I did have to add a little bit of hot sauce to punch it up slightly.

Next were two types of dumplings: crystal shrimp and siu mai. Both were excellent. If you swing by this joint for dim sum, these are some of the delights you can enjoy from the carts. Both were packed with ingredients and nicely steamed.

Then the spring rolls came out. They didn’t look like much, but they had great flavor. I was actually surprised, although they were a little bit too greasy on the shell.

Our waitress then brought out the Peking duck. YES!

She cut off a good deal of the crispy skin and more generous portions of meat, and, with that, assembled six steamed buns for us, accompanied by hoisin sauce, scallion and cucumber. They were awesome. Crispy, fatty, juicy… all around excellent.

The rest of the duck was chopped up for us and served on a plate:

The meal kept on trucking along with this ginger beef and broccoli dish. The ginger was fresh and sliced thin. The beef was tender and flavorful. I think it was a mix of flank and rib eye. And the broccoli was steamed in the sauce, so it tasted awesome.

There was also some fried rice with shrimp, roast pork, ham, peas, onion and egg. We were really too full to dig into this too far.

At the end of the meal, some honeydew and orange arrived at the table. A nice, refreshing, smiley-face looking end to the meal.

Excellent deal. Jump on it if you see another Living Social or Groupon offering for this place. And definitely check out their dim sum on the weekend for lunch.

GOLDEN UNICORN
18 E. Broadway
New York, NY 10002

Product Reviews

Tannenhof Schwarzwalder Landjager

August 6, 2015 Johnny Prime 2 Comments

Landjager is a traditional semi-dry sausage product reminiscent of jerky sticks, but more natural. My wife brought home this package:

Here’s what I found on Tannenhof: they seem to be a purveyor of cured meats. Their products look tasty. Schwarzwalder seems to be a type of landjager, since I see other brands using the moniker, but it seems that all landjager are made of roughly equal amounts of pork, beef and lard.

“Savory snack” is written beneath the word landjager. I think you can guess that the green emblem says “traditional specialty” and “guaranteed quality,” since English is a Germanic language and all that nonsense… Anyway here’s what they look like – there were actually two pair of links in the package:

The sausages themselves are very smoky in flavor. They’re somewhat hard like a pepperoni in texture, but not as spiced. They seem to be real sausages and not some mashed up conglomerate like a Slim Jim, though I suppose anyone can mold them to look like real sausages. Take a look at the cross-section and decide for yourself.

The smell is reminiscent of raw hide dog treats. They taste okay – no added flavors other than smoke and whatever spices were used in the initial sausage making, but it was tough for me to get beyond that dog snack smell, having had German Shepherds all my life and giving them snacks that smelled exactly like this. If I can’t snack on them, they might be good to cook with as a smoky flavor enhancer in something like split pea soup.

One last thing: Don’t hassle the Tannenhof.

Downtown, German, Pub Food, Restaurant Reviews

Clinton Hall

August 4, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

CHECK OUT THE RIDE & REVIEW HERE!!!

This recent addition (last 2 years) to the downtown barscape benefits from ample seating (indoor and outdoor), a massive amount of space, and a good selection of beer.

My wife and I stopped here for a quick drink and a bite before seeing an extremely overpriced and under-sized studio apartment that is up for sale nearby.

Pretty cool to see a few kids playing with the giant Jenga set on one bench. Nice.

I was happy to see that it was happy hour on the weekend, so that’s a big plus.

We started with a pair of $5 pints (growler was filled with water):

My pour, on the right, was a little bit shy of a full glass, but whatever.

I ordered the chicken sandwich, which came with fries, and was topped with lettuce, pesto sauce and brie cheese on a potato bun:

Pretty good. The breast was juicy – not dry as I expected it might be.

My wife had the crispy buffalo cauliflower, an interesting concoction that almost makes you feel like you’re eating healthy if it weren’t for the buttery hot sauce and crumbled blue cheese sprinkled all over the batter-fried veggie morsels. Tasty!

This part of downtown could use a kick in the ass for nightlife and daytime boozing. Clinton Hall is a welcome addition to the area.

UPDATE 11/10/2023 – Great food options here, and a perfect spot for our Electric Wednesday ebike meetup.

CLINTON HALL
90 Washington St.
New York, NY 10006

Recipes

Hot Pot Ramen

July 28, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

I whipped this shit up on a whim with some bullshit items I had laying around, some of which required more effort than others.

Example: the veggie stock I used as the base was made two days earlier by roasting a bunch of veggies I had in the fridge before they went bad. Onion, garlic, shallot, carrots, celery, etc. After roasting with some olive oil and spices, I boiled the fuck out of it all and reduced it to a stock of sorts. You can just cheat and use a stock of your choice.

Then I added some extra water, a packet of Tonkotsu pork ramen seasoning, black garlic oil, sesame oil, sesame seeds (toasted and regular), dried garlic chips and a huge heap of spicy, mouth-numbing Szechuan peppercorns. This was to be my hot pot broth/ramen base hybrid. See it bubbling up below:

I boiled up some tofu skin knots as well. These things are awesome in a soup.

And some dried instant ramen noodles, of course, from the packet.

The end result was a pretty tasty and spicy soup. Not so bad for a home episode of Chopped. Just strain off the junk that is floating around in the broth first, that way you have a nice clean soup as an end-product.

Flash Deals, Midtown West, Porterhouse, Rib Eye, Steakhouse Reviews

The Statler Grill

July 27, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

The Statler Grill overall score: 73

Groupon recently had a sweet steakhouse deal: $49 steak dinner for two that covers $18 worth of apps, $114 worth of steak, and $18 worth of sides. That’s a steal! It turns out the restaurant was The Statler Grill, a joint I had wandered past a few times near Penn Station and always wondered about.

Flavor: 8

I had the ribeye, which was partially boneless at about 22oz. Nice and flavorful, cooked perfectly through the whole way, nothing uneven, nice and tender and juicy, well seasoned, well rested… It didn’t need anything, yet there was just something missing that I couldn’t put my finger on; maybe it was the atmosphere (see below)? Whatever it was I couldn’t give it the full 10. My wife got the lamb chops, which were amazing; nice crust, not too gamey, but full of great flavor.

Choice of Cuts & Quality Available: 7

The menu has the basics: strip, filet, ribeye, and porterhouse. All seem to be prime quality. No specials, but they did have lamb chops and a veal chop to mix it up.

Portion Size & Plating: 7

We were full, so the size was good; I estimate the ribeye to be about 20-24oz (there were no numbers on the menu), and about 3-4oz for each lamb chop (with six chops per order). Plating is basic; white plate with meat + a little green garnish. Nothing fancy.

Price: 8

I wanted to give this place a 9 or 10 for price, since we paid so little for our meal, but the menu prices were high for dining without a sweet groupon. The ribeye was $54, lamb chops $48. Kinda pricey for a place like this. The lobster cocktail was $18, and the smallish sides were $9 each. If the atmosphere was a little different (see below) if might be worth it at full price, because the food WAS cooked properly and tasted great… but for that price, head over to Keen’s, Wolfgang’s or Delmonico’s for serious atmosphere. That said, our meal, with drink, tax and tip included, was $42 over the initial $49 I paid for the groupon.

Bar: 6

The bar is kinda small and junky. It probably gets some customers who are awaiting their LIRR train, so it’s not empty. They do offer some interesting beers and wine selections, and their martini was made properly, but this isn’t really the kind of bar I’d want to hang at for too long. Contrast with Delmonico’s or Keen’s and you see what I mean.

Specials and Other Meats: 6

No specials! That’s fine; after all, it is a steak joint. The basic cuts are all that is required. Other than that they had veal and lamb, a good deal of seafood and chicken as well, for the wimps.

Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8

We started with the lobster cocktail; nicely cooked, accompanied by some dipping sauces: a kicked up, horseradishy cocktail sauce, and a spicy mayo type sauce. The lobster was split in two long ways to split the tail meat, and the claws were pre-cracked and ready to devour. The creamed spinach was certainly creamy. What it lacked in salt and savory it made up for in cream, so it served as a good cut to the well-seasoned meat. I found myself dipping fork fulls of meat into the spinach with every few bites. Only bad thing: the size was a bit small. The order of fries was good too; crispy ribbons, well salted. About two potatoes worth, so also a bit pricey for $9. We skipped dessert. If I was still hungry, I probably would have rounded off the meal with some oysters. One thing looked particularly interesting on the menu: the Dr. Olsen Salad – basically a cobb with a seafood twist.

Seafood Selection: 8

Chilean sea bass, grilled salmon, shrimp scampi, crab cakes, and seared sesame tuna graced the seafood menu. That covers most bases, though there was no lobster aside from the cocktail. They also offered oysters AND clams on the half shell as apps (oreganata clams too – and nice move offering both clams and oysters), as well as fried calamari, shrimp cocktail, lump crab meat, and app sized portions of scampi, crabcakes and tuna.

Service: 9

Our waiter was really friendly and outgoing to all his tables – an older man – and the waiters were dressed in the classic shirt & tie manner. Crusty bread was hot when it came to the table, and served with a nice basic whipped butter that wasn’t cold and solid.

Ambiance: 6

This place could use a makeover. It is not BAD inside, but it doesn’t have a steakhouse feel (see Lugers) OR a fine dining feel (see Mark Joseph). It feels more like a Heartland Brewery, yet at least in Heartland Brewery you know you have a kickass bar/beer/drink selection. The floors are nice; dark wood, Ceilings are high with the exposed warehouse look, and tables are what you would see in any regular restaurant. Walls are covered with random stuff like trumpets, artwork, etc. I think they need a new space, or a new decor. Even the doorway seemed cheap; more like a bar door or a standard storefront shop. It could be the location – it is directly across from MSG and Penn Station, down 33rd street about halfway to 6th Avenue, so it lacks a certain character or uniqueness trait. The bathrooms, cleverly marked “Joseph” and “Josephine” for men/women, were standard bar bathrooms – not dirty, but not the kind you expect in a fine steakhouse.

UPDATE AS OF 7/27/15

So Statler Grill now has a different deal, and it isn’t quite as awesome as it used to be. It’s still a good deal, don’t get me wrong, but you need to know up front that the menu is very limited. There are only two cuts of steak available in the “steak dinner for two” Groupon deal. You can either choose a strip/sirloin, or the porterhouse for two. They also limit you on your selection of apps, they choose the sides for you, and you are limited to two desserts. The good thing is that you can swap wine for beer or cocktails with no extra charge. Anything else that you might want to swap will cost you big time. Like $15 extra if you want a filet instead of the strip. Or $5 extra if you want chocolate ice cream instead of cheesecake or bread pudding. Some of the substitution fees are ridiculous considering that the actual menu prices are the same if not less for the substitutions.

Anyway, the deal is $99 for two apps, two entrees, two desserts, two coffees and a bottle of wine. It’s really not that bad of a deal if you happen to want what is on the limited menu. So I stress that you look before you leap.

We had the caesar salad and friend calamari to start. Both were small portions. I’d say half size from what you might expect.

We went with the porterhouse for two. Although it was a bit light on the ounces and seasoning, I didn’t mind so much because it was cooked properly and the flavor was decent, though not as good as last time I came (maybe 7/10 for this porterhouse).

The sides were both excellent, and were generously portioned given the deal.

Since the manager was aware that we were a bit unhappy with the Groupon fine print, he went out of his way to make sure we were happy come dessert time. He gave us the chocolate ice cream substitution for free, and also threw in a creme brûlée on the house. Good man.

The real star of the show at dessert time was the bread pudding, though. It was awesome. It tasted like warm fluffy French toast cookie dough.

That about does it. Overall the meal was satisfying and we liked our food. We were just a little let down over the seemingly deceptive wording in the Groupon ad. Hopefully this gets rectified in the future, so that others don’t get let down upon ordering time. We were actually going to leave and eat elsewhere when we learned that the deal was not what we expected, but we were told that the Groupon had already been redeemed. Essentially that meant we were stuck eating there or else face a loss of the Groupon value.

STATLER GRILL
136 W. 33rd St.
New York, NY 10001

Flash Deals, Indian, Midtown West, Restaurant Reviews

Bombay Grill House

July 26, 2015 Johnny Prime Leave a comment

This little Hell’s Kitchen joint offered up a decent Groupon that made it worth while to try. An app, two entrees, two drinks and a bread for $30.

I had a banana lassi. It was good, but I wish it was colder. Drinking room temperature banana yogurt isn’t that appealing. My wife had a pistachio shake, but it was more like a lassi than what we expected a shake to be (cold, creamy, ice cream-ish). They both looked exactly the same, so here is a generic shot. Can you guess which this is?

For the app, we shared some lamb kebob, which came to us plated and un-skewered. This was deliciously spiced lamb that was minced into a sausage-like texture.

I ate a biryani lamb and spicy rice dish, and my wife had a lamb curry that was mild and creamy.

As you can tell, this was a lamb-centric meal. The biryani was a bit dry and oddly spiced, but tasty nonetheless. In hindsight I probably should have gone with my staple Indian food order to test the waters, chicken saag.