My wife received a box of these fuckers as a gift from her cousin. These guys are pretty good. They have a lightly sweet and slightly spicy seasoning to them. They’re very airy and crisp, and really shine when you add some lime juice to them. Good product.
NOTE: This place is now closed.
This joint ran a Groupon special that got you two burgers, an order of tries, and two cupcakes for $15. Not bad.
I went there with “Chicken Sandwich Sam,” a buddy of mine who insists on getting grilled chicken sandwiches on many occasions when we are going out for cheeseburgers. His looked good, but mine looked better:
That’s beef, baby. With American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle and onion. While the bun was small, the burger packed a good amount of flavor. It was fired up correctly to medium and had a good crisp to the patty edges.
The fries were natural cut steak fries. Not too doughy or greasy, with a nice crisp given the style (these usually aren’t as crispy for some reason). Course salt was a nice touch:
For my cupcake, I went with marble cake (chocolate and vanilla) topped with a peanut butter frosting. The cake was dry, but the peanut butter frosting was nice, even if it was only just a smear of Jiffy. Not even close to Cake Dealer quality, but the place makes for an interesting concept.
BURGERS & CUPCAKES
458 9th Ave
New York, NY 10018
NOTE: This place is now closed
Braai means BBQ in Afrikaans. And South African food is something I’ve never had before. So naturally I had to try this joint. I walked by this a few times and the menu looked really good. So tonight my wife and I gave it a try.
First some cocktails: a bourbon julep and some South African wine. It’s important to note here that they also offer Tusker beer, from Kenya, which I like very much.
Braai has a bunch of tapas for $9 each, or you can man the fuck up and get five for $42 and save a few bucks. That’s what we did.
Top left is sausage, polenta (pap) and tomato. It had a nice pork and beef flavor to it, with a little spicy kick.
Center was deviled chicken liver. I was expecting something whipped and spreadable for some reason, and spicy. These were some more traditional styled liver items… cut up and sautéed in a hearty sauce. Very iron flavored but not grainy or snappy at all.
Top right: meatballs with tomato sauce. The sauce was tangy, and the meatballs were spicy and tender.
Bottom right was fried chicken wings with peri-peri sauce. The wings were crispy and nicely battered, and the sauce was spicy and herbaceous – almost like a salsa. Very nice. I was putting it on everything!
Bottom left was grilled octopus. This had less of a char flavor than I expected, but it was very tender.
At this point we were pretty full, but we kept pushing on. We ordered the ribs (ribbetjies); baby back ribs with a rooibos chocolate glaze (a legume, often used in teas), sautéed spinach and creamy polenta.
This was really good. The meat was tender and flavorful, and the sauce was sweet with a little spice to it at the end, and some depth.
We had to try dessert, seeing as though this is one of the only places that doesn’t just offer creme brûlée, tira misu and cheesecake (though they do have cheesecake). Love those when they are good, but come on! Anyway this place gets it. We ordered something called “koeksisters,” which is pretty much thin, braided fried doughnuts or funnel cake with ice cream and honey on top. Awesome.
BRAAI
329 W. 51st St.
Hell’s Kitchen, NY 10018
My wife picked up a pair of packs of this Side Project brand jerky while we were waiting to board our flight to Hawaii. Check out the cool logo of a bovine in a top hat:
We sampled thr two flavors on the plane: Mongolian and Philly Cheese Steak.
The interesting thing about this brand is that they stamp each pack with dates for when they were dried and packed, right there next to the ingredients list and nutritional info.
Pretty cool. When you rip the packs open, you will find a thick vacuum sealed plastic pouch containing the meat:
No doubt this preserves the freshness.
We first tried the Mongolian flavor. It was peppery, garlicky, and had good meat flavor. I was expecting a higher spice level for its claim that it would make Ghengis proud. But the texture was good, and it even had some sesame seeds embedded. Not wet, not dry, not sticky and not tough. It passed all hurdles that can usually trip up a jerky.
Surprisingly the cheese steak flavor was where all the spice was residing. It was light on cheese flavor but bold on pepper. I liked it.
Overall I was very satisfied with the product and I would definitely eat it again.
This joint used to be on the east side, but that spot closed. It recently reopened with a revamped menu on west 55th near 8th.
We started with some pork items. First was the not-so-awesome “grilled” bacon with blue cheese. An odd item to grace the menu of a Japanese joint, granted, but we were hoping for more crisp and less stringy/rubbery texture.
The better pork item was the yongen-ton kakani, which was silky simmered pork belly. This was fucking delicious, and reminded my wife and I of the clay pot casserole style Vietnamese dish from Cha Pas. This is a definite must-order for any of you bacon heads.
For my ramen, I ordered the nagahama fu tonkotsu. It is pork-based, with good firm alkaline noodles (LOTS of noodles – like an extra kae-dama amount), some pickled ginger, sesame seeds, scallions and one very tasty piece of pork.
I liked it very much. It was moderately robust without overwhelming the taste buds. And for $11 it is fair, though I wish there was at least another piece of pork in there.
My wife ordered the onsen tamago sukiyaki udon, which was gingery and nicely cooked udon noodles in a sweet broth that had beef and a poached egg within. Nice, but the ramen was better.
DONBURIYA
253 W. 55th St.
New York, NY 10019
Hawaii turned out to be a pretty great gustatory adventure as well as an adventure in the traditional sense. I’ve outlined this post as a sort of breakdown of what we did each day on the trip, including, of course, what we ate. Late on I will break out each restaurant/meal into their own reviews.
My wife and I landed on Maui in the early evening on a Saturday. My sister, her husband and her three kids met us at the airport. They go every year for a month during the summer, because my sister is a teacher and has the full summer off from work. She actually used to teach on Maui, hence the yearly visits.
Anyway, my wife and I were promptly lei’d at the airport (insert played-out, sexual Hawaii jokes here), and we were on our way to Kihei for the first few days of our trip.
We were starving after 10 hours of flight time.
Meal 1: Da Kitchen
I had a “Big Braddah” combo plate that consisted of imu pit kalua pork and teriyaki chicken. These meats were served on a bed of rice that was seasoned with shoyu/soy sauce, and served with a side of “potato-mac,” which is macaroni salad mixed with potato salad. Pretty brilliant, and it seemed to be an island staple side dish of sorts, as I ended up seeing it all over the place.
Everything was good. The chicken was really tender, juicy and flavorful. The pork was awesome too. It wasn’t drenched in sauce like I expected, and it wasn’t dry at all.
My wife ate what I consider to be Hawaii’s signature fast casual dish: Loco Moco. Essentially this is a chopped steak, or a large-sized, seasoned hamburger, on a bed of rice and topped with gravy, onions, an egg, sesame seeds and other tasty things, depending on the particular restaurant. This, too, was served with potato-mac. This was the better meal of the two here, simply because… well, burger + egg + gravy, I guess. It packed a ton of flavor and was a really generous portion.
I ended up eating half of my wife’s dinner as well as my own. This joint is fast casual, and fair-priced. You order your food and eat at tables like any fast food joint. I was impressed with the quality given the fact that five people ate dinner for a total of $65.
I even tried a bite of my sister’s chow funn (for some reason they use two n’s in Hawaii). This was pretty good too. Big serving size, good, thick noodles too.
After a gut-stretching meal like that, we slept like babies…
…But we were up at 3am for our first sight-seeing outing.
Activity 1: Haleakala
Essentially you wake up psychotically early so you can watch the sun rise up over the crater in the mountains on the east side of the island. It was fucking beautiful. And at about 10,000ft up, the air is a sharp, contrasting 45 degrees Fahrenheit – about half what it is down on the shores at midday.
Meal 2: Kula Lodge
By 7am we were at Kula Lodge for a nice warming meal before heading the rest of the way down the mountain. This joint actually had a fireplace going, and the well-manicured grounds boast trees, plants and shrubs that would easily qualify this spot as an arboretum. There was even an incredible outdoor cooking station that made me insanely fucking jealous.
Breakfast was pretty simple but well executed. I had the “Haleakala Mountain of a Meal,” which was two eggs over easy, two pancakes and Portuguese sausage. Since I’m a fat guy deep down, I also added a side of corned beef hash browns. This shit hit the spot nicely. The hash was some of the greatest I’ve ever had. It contained large, juicy chunks of corned beef brisket with all the signature crispy fried bits that you expect from good hash. This was my first time eating Portuguese sausage – awesome. Slightly spicy, a little sweet, and tons of snappy flavor. One thing I particularly enjoyed about this place was the fresh coconut syrup. Fucking awesome on the pancakes and I don’t think I can ever eat them again without the shit. It’s more watery than regular maple syrup, but it has a nice mild, not-too-sweet coconut kick. Lovely.
My wife had the French toast, which was massive and topped with loads of toasted macadamia nuts for good measure. Excellent cinnamon and nutmeg flavoring that warmed us after that chilly Haleakala mountain expedition. I also got to eat half of this as well. Haha!
To make the meal even better, we were graced by an awesome full-arc rainbow over the scenic grounds, which was visible in all its glory right from our table, out the big lodge windows.
Activity 2: Searching for Doughnuts, Finding Wildlife Instead
We drove through the small town of Makawao and the hippy town of Paia, hunting for malasadas (Hawaiian fried doughnuts) in Makawao. Unfortunately the T Komoda Bakery there was closed, and seemingly for good since we tried back again later in the week and it was still closed. We did spot some free range chicken though, just wandering the streets of town:
We took in the view from Mama’s Fish House but never did end up eating there. I’ve heard great things, so maybe next visit. But the nearby Ho’okipa Beach provided us with a nice view of some surfers…
…and incredible wildlife: a seal and a sea turtle, just hanging on the beach like lazy fucks:
Oh, so sorry the haole woke you up, brah! What a life. Oh shit. I almost forgot… There was also a walrus there too, basking in the sun:
Jerkworthy.
With that, we headed back to our hotel in Kihei, cleaned up a bit, rested, and banged out some shave ice at S&Q’s.
Shave Ice: S&Q’s, Kihei
I had pineapple and coconut with a topping of hao pia (coconut cream). Refreshing, smooth and light. This place is a little shack type joint that serves the ice in styrofoam cups instead of the traditional flower looking cone cup thing.
Activity 3: Drinking on the Beach
We relaxed for a bit on Kamaole Beach III with some local brews from the Maui Brewing Co. and other local breweries. All awesome. Mana Wheat and Coconut Porter are officially two of my favorite beers now.
After catching a buzz on the beach and sampling some of my brother-in-law’s Ocean brand vodka (local brand) and Maui rum, we walked over to a BBQ joint for dinner.
Meal 3: Fat Daddy’s Smokehouse
Christian, the owner and our waiter, was an awesome host to us, and ended up giving tons of toys to my nieces, ages six and three, who have somehow managed to become vegetarians. I’ll have to fix that, eventually.
We ordered a big plate of shit, as you can see below. Texas links, burnt ends, BBQ chicken, pulled pork, brisket, and ribs. We also did some mac and cheese as well as jalapeño hush puppies.
As a matter of fact we did NOT order the chicken. It was given to us by mistake, but Christian left it for us free of charge. Sweet!
Anyway the links were spicy and smoky. The ribs were tender and correctly smoked – not braised – and had a delicious BBQ bark on them. The brisket was tender as well. All too often brisket comes to me dry and devoid of flavor these days, but that wasn’t the case here. And the pulled pork was moist, not drowned in sauce, and had a great smoky flavor that wasn’t overpowering.
The only down for me was the order of hush puppies. My other family members liked them, but to me they were a little grainy from the cornmeal and not seasoned enough with salt after coming out of the fryer. I also expected more heat from the jalapeños.
Otherwise this meal was amazing. I even recommended Fat Daddy’s to another pair of haoles who were looking for a dinner recommendation. An extra bonus is the fact that they use spice rub and habanero in their Bloody Mary drinks. YES!
Activity 4: Secret Beach, Hoapili Trail, Big Beach, Little Beach
The next day we started with a visit to “Secret Beach,” a beautiful little spot that you might never see if you don’t know where it is.
Then we followed a nice beach and woods trail out to the razor sharp, rocky and lava-cragged shoreline of Maui’s east coast, where King Kamehameha battled a bunch of bastards way back when. This is known as the Hoapili Trail and the Cattle Road or King’s Road.
Then we stopped by Big Beach and Little Beach on the way back to Kihei. Big Beach gets its name for its size; it is big and wide. Lots of sand. It’s also walled in by a huge rocky cliff. Pretty neat.
You climb up that cliff in a small tight crevasse-like spot in order to get to Little Beach, which happens to be a nude beach.
I didn’t take pics of the old naked weirdos this time.
Meal 4: Cafe O’Lei
Then it was time for lunch at Cafe O’Lei. This joint is nice inside. It’s on the second floor of a strip mall type group of storefronts right near S&Q’s. There’s a big bar in the center of the restaurant, and some interesting paintings by local artists on the walls:
Here, I really wanted to try either the prime rib or the roast pork entrees, but they are only offered at dinner time. Instead, I had my first official burger of the trip. It was cooked almost correctly – slightly over medium – but the large helping of ooey-gooey cheddar cheese really took this burger up a notch.
My wife and I shared a pair of crab cakes. These were sweet, using snow crab meat, fruit and avocado in the preparation. Very nice. Meaty and crispy.
My wife had the Mahi Mahi fish and chips, which were expertly batter-fried to a light, golden crisp. The fries here were top notch, by the way. Really nicely done.
Activity 5: Brewery
We rested and digested a bit, before heading to the Maui Brewing Company brewery. There I got to sample six more beers:
The best was the hot blonde; a light amber colored beer with a spicy habanero kick at the finish. Awesome.
Afterwards we walked across to our dinner spot.
Meal 5: Cow Pig Bun
What a fucking weird location for a reataurant. I can understand the brewery being there, as this area is an office park or business park. I suppose people hit this joint for lunch while they’re at work nearby.
The place is like something out of Williamsburg Brooklyn. The decor is corrugated metal, reclaimed wood, filament bulb lighting and industrial meat facility chic.
The food is great. It’s a small menu, essentially a burger joint with fancy apps and lots of different whiskey and bourbon to sample.
We tried a flight of flavored whiskey – one was just a blend, then coconut, chocolate macadamia nut, and coffee flavored whiskeys followed. Macadamia nut was my favorite. Sweet and strong.
We also sampled some of their mixology style cocktails. My wife had an awesome tequila and pho broth based drink, called “Cannibalistic,” and I had a pineapple, lime and Maker’s called “Butcher Town.” Good shit.
I ordered the bacon jam burger. This was a potent and powerful burger. The blue cheese didn’t overpower the meat, nor did the bacon, but altogether it was super heavy. I liked it, but I could only put down half (I ate the rest a few days later).
My wife had a poorly worded sandwich that was called banh mi, but was really more like a pulled pork sandwich. It had pork belly, pulled pork and really nice fois gras butter, but none of the pickled veggies, fish sauce or fresh leafy cilantro that you usually associate with the banh mi flavor profile. In short, it was still good, but not banh mi.
Along with the drinks, I think the best part of this place is the pork rind chicharones that come with each entree instead of French fries. These morsels were real pig skin fried up to warm, golden, crispy goodness. Amazing.
Meal 6: Zippy’s
My wife and I squeezed in a quick breakfast at Zippy’s before the long and treacherous drive to Hana.
I had saimin, which is similar to ramen and Chinese soups. It consists of broth, wavy egg noodles, fish cake slices, some pork meat and veggies. The flavor profile was decidedly Chinese but the presentation was Japanese, if that makes sense. I’d say it was a chicken based shio/salt broth, like you’d expect in wanton soup. Pretty good!
My wife had a breakfast bento box that came with rice, scrambled egg, Portuguese sausage and corned beef hash. Pretty basic. I have to say that the sausage and corned beef here were not as amazing as the sausage at Kula Lodge.
Activity 6: Road to Hana
The drive to Hana was actually pretty fun. I was expecting death or dismemberment from the way it was described by nearly everyone I know who had been there. Parts are crazy and tight, and bumpy in the unpaved spots, but you’re going to be safe if you’re a moderately good driver.
We snacked on some banana bread from the “Halfway to Hana” shack along the way, and got down on a bag of spicy Vietnamese pork rinds along with our leftover Cow Pig Bun pork rinds.
Afterward we ate a packed lunch of deli sandwiches that my sister scored from the grocery store before we shoved off in the morning.
Along the way on this first day of driving, we saw a nice bamboo forest, some waterfalls, crazy Hawaiian locals who were cliff diving from the road, Wainapanapa (black sand beach), and a gorgeous red sand beach at Ka’uiki Head:
After a long, hot, sweaty and muddy day, we reached Hana just in time for dinner.
Meal 7: Hana Ranch Restaurant
I like to call this meal “Mai Tais, Fries and Flies.” The setting is beautiful. The joint is up on a hill and you can see out over the Pacific from way the fuck up high on the cliff where Hana is situated.
But the flies are aggressive here. They swarm on your drinks and food. It was nearly unbearable.
I sucked down my mai tai fast to avoid them, and quickly ordered a second drink that I drank just as fast.
We started with garlic herb fries, nori sesame seed fries and fried calamari. All pretty good, though I wasn’t quite sold on the Japanese style French fries (furikake). The calamari was more tentacle than ring, which I was a little bummed about, but they were at least tasty.
I had Kalbi short ribs – ribs cut cross-section style, thin, and grilled with Korean BBQ sauce. These were pretty good and tasted just as expected.
My wife had some sub par, stringy ahi poke (raw tuna with dressing and spices – like a ceviche).
My feeling is that this town is in need of a good bar or another restaurant to foster competition. Something with a bold and brazen use of air conditioning, too. It’s as hot as Dante’s balls after his stroll through Hades up there. Humid as locker room ass crack too. It is beautiful though.
Activity 7: Mead & Cigars
After dinner we sampled some Nani Moon mead and local cigars from Kauai to get a good buzz before what would likely be an uncomfortable sleep with no AC. Luckily I zonked out pretty quickly, but not before thoroughly enjoying the mead. I became aware of this company when their Instagram account liked and commented on a few of my mead-making photos. I looked into their products and flavors, and decided that we should give it a try. A good choice!
Here’s what sunrise looked like from the yard of the Tutu’s house that we rented for the night:
Meal 8: Hasegawa General Store
We started the next day of driving and hiking with the local breakfast of champions from the Hasegawa General Store – spam musubi.
This was my first time eating spam. Admittedly it was pretty fucking good. It’s served crispy / browned on hot rice with sesame seeds, Japanese seasonings, and wrapped in nori. It tasted like a good sausage mixed with spiced ham to me. I’m sold.
Activity 8: Second Half of Hana Trip
I missed my opportunity to try “Huli Huli Chicken.” Apparently this is sold all over the Hana area from little shacks and grillers. Not only did I not get to taste it, but I didn’t get any pics of it on the grill or any pics of the awesome hand-painted signs beckoning you to try some along the roadside. By time I decided that I wanted it, we had passed the last sign for it. I kept looking for it again, all day. Likely it was too early for the food to be ready anyway, crack of dawn and all, but I should have stopped for a pic of that last sign at least… oh well. I did get some shots of other interesting local signs though:
Other beautiful sights that day included some more waterfalls, wildlife, Oheo Gulch, a giant cross in the distance on a mountain, a giant fucking spider and St. Joseph’s church.
Activity 9: Ulupalakua Vineyard
Maui Wine / The Tedeshi Winery makes some nice tasting pineapple wines, both bubbly, and flat, dry and sweet. We had a chance to sample some as we got to the end of the Hana road trip.
Meal 9: Bully’s Burgers
This is pure roadside awesomeness. This little shack is an outpost for Triple L ranch, which develops 100% all natural grass fed beef.
They use a special flavoring, perhaps teriyaki, worked into the grind that gives this shit a really awesome uniqueness. My second burger of the trip was a hit. It may look overcooked, but the cheese and flavor was enough to make it work.
Check out my wife’s “grilled cheeseburger” as well. This was so gooey, buttery and toasty!
Despite just eating, we ended up stopping for some more food on the way back to our hotel in Lahaina.
Meal 10: Ba Le and L&L Drive Inn
These were two kiosks at the Cannery Mall food court.
L&L Hawaiian BBQ is a fast food type restaurant that has locations all over the place. There even used to be a location down by NYC’s South Street Seaport, but that has since closed. Anyway, this place has a take on the ramen burger, called the saimin burger, which I tried as burger #3 of the trip.
It was dry as fuck and hot as fuck, but it was a fun item to try. No cheese, just lettuce and a soy-BBQ type sauce drizzles on. I’d pass on this item unless you really need to try it.
This is fast casual Vietnamese food, which I think needs more of a presence throughout the country. Vietnamese food is generally pretty healthy and fresh, and the staple items like summer rolls, pho and banh mi are so fucking delicious. I already have a concept in mind for a chain that I think would kill… Anyway, we sampled the pho and a classic banh mi. The flavors were spot on, correct to how these items should taste.
The price for the pho was a little higher than normal, at around $9, but the portion size was big.
My wife and I caught the sunset at the resort, and relaxed for a bit before dinner.
Meal 11: Lulu’s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill
Since I was bummed about missing out on the “Huli Huli Chicken” in Hana, my wife was googling places that might have it on their menus. She found this joint, and of course I ordered it.
It was roasted chicken in garlic wine sauce like you might have with steamed clams. I surmised that this couldn’t be right according to pics online.
The chicken tasted fine, but color of the Huli Huli sauces sold in stores, and the pics of dark-colored chicken online all point to this being NOT the real deal.
My wife tried the ribs here, which were pretty good. They were braised style, fall off the bone. Very tender and juicy.
The malasadas were legit here, and were filled with a coconut custard cream of sorts. Super soft and flavorful. Malasada’s, incase you need the info again, are Hawaiian doughnuts.
Overall this place had the feel of a Friday’s or something, but more local to Hawaii. They even had some pool tables and a projection screen n back, so probably much cooler than a place like Fridays.
Activity 10: Pool & Beach
This day was all about lounging by the pool and beach at the resort, both before lunch and after lunch/before dinner.
Meal 12: Star Noodle
Best meal of the trip goes to Star Noodle. This place has been on the radar for a while, and is well-known among haoles as the place to eat near Lahaina.
Great drinks at the bar, by the way…
We had a lot of food, so get ready… We started with bacon and egg appetizer, which is very reminiscent of sizzling pork sisig dishes in Filipino cuisine. This shit was so fucking delicious. It had large, quality chunks of thick bacon, onions, tomatoes and a runny egg, served in a hot cast iron skillet.
We also shared an order of “Lahaina Fried Soup,” which essentially was a dry noodle dish made with super thick chow funn noodles (again, two n’s on the chow fun in Hawaii for some reason).
The flavors were simple – ground pork and bean sprouts. But we started adding some of the bacon in with the noodles and it was fucking amazing. If I am ever back here, I will order the bacon and egg appetizer and ask them to mix it with the Fried Lahaina Soup.
Next was the Hapa Ramen. Hapa typically refers to a person who is partially asian, so this is meant to be a partially asian or partially Japanese ramen dish?
Whatever the case, it was excellent. The pork broth was thick and robust, with some black garlic oil mayu on top for punch. It had sweetness from the fish cake slices and bamboo shoots, savoriness from the touch of miso, and fatness from the poached egg. The noodles were cooked just right.
Activity 11: Lahaina Town
We walked around Lahaina, an old whaling village, before dinner. One thing we couldn’t miss was the gigantic banyan tree that takes up nearly half the town:
Meal 13: Cheeseburger in Paradise
Tourist trap? I don’t care. The food and atmosphere were awesome here. You’re right on the fucking pacific.
In fact when waves roll in hard sometimes you can get sprayed if you’re at a table on the first floor in the back by the windows. There’s a little tiki bar on the second floor, along with a Jimmy Buffet-esque singer/guitarist playing tunes.
I ordered the classic cheeseburger as my 4th burger of the trip, which came with pepperjack, lettuce, tomato, onion and special sauce on a salt and pepper bun. Really nice looking burger.
It was cooked perfectly at medium, super juicy and good cheese coverage. The soft bun added a lot of flavor with the seasoning on top. I devoured this thing!
Drinks were fun here too. I had a Maui lemonade of some sort, which was gin or rum, lemon, soda, and thyme, if I recall correctly.
We walked across the street for dessert:
Shave Ice: Ululani’s, Lahaina
This shave ice chain is often called the best on Maui. This colorful little kiosk in Lahaina has a great atmosphere, in a cobblestone alley with lots of umbrella’d seating nearby, accommodating customers for the other food places in the alley as well. This joint uses the flower-looking plastic containers instead of the styrofoam. I think I like these better, because they are more iconic, and the shape allows for melted ice to run back into the cup-like base.
Friday, again, was mostly all about relaxing in the sun. Bow now we had a shitload of leftovers too, so we ate all of that for lunch. For dinner, we went back into Lahaina.
Meal 14: Koa’s Seaside Grill
Dinner at Koa’s was really insane, in terms of the view.
We were seated in the corner overlooking that ocean just before sunset. Check out some of these pics I grabbed as the sun was going down throughout our meal:
The meal itself was pretty good too. We started by sharing a hearts of palm salad. I was somewhat expecting a non-leafy greens salad, and something more along the lines of just hearts of palm, some kind of vinegar dressing with onions and cucumbers and shit. But it was green, as one might expect upon hearing the word “salad.” It was good. It had a nice citrus-based dressing, and all the shit was fresh and bright.
I had the coconut curry grilled mahi maui. It was a bit is mall, but it tasted really nice, and the fish had a good crisp to the texture. Unfortunately it was a slight bit dry.
My wife got the winning dish here: kind crab legs and steak.
The meat was decent – sirloin. I’ve had better. Probably not on par with the aged, prime meats I am used to, but it certainly gained traction with the absolutely delicious king crab legs. Awesome.
Service here was excellent, and the atmosphere makes all the difference in terms of your dining experience. The host, John offered to take pics of guests near our table since it had the best view in the house. Here my favorite shot that he took of us:
We skipped dessert in order to try something a little different:
Dole Whip at Lappert’s Ice Cream
This Dole Whip business is dairy free, gluten free and cholesterol free.
Essentially it is pineapple that has been whipped into some sort of magical soft serve ice cream swirl. Apparently they also have it in other locations, like Disney World or something.
It was good! Soft, tasty, fresh. It would be very easy to put down gallons of this shit.
We slept in a little bit on Saturday morning, and got our start on the day shortly before lunch.
Activity 12: Shopping
We hit a few local grocery stores and picked up some fantastic looking pork rinds and chicken skin chicharones. Look at the quality! These are dense, crispy and really flavorful.
Also scored some Hawaiian shirts for me, and a decorative glass light-up jellyfish for my wife. And of course, when we drove by an old cemetery along the Pacific, I had to snap a few photos:
This person still gets lei’d in death:
Meal 15: Teddy’s Bigger Burger
This is a Shake Shack / Smash Burger type of joint here in Hawaii. You can order your patties in three different sizes: 5oz (big), 7oz (bigger) and 9oz (biggest). Then you can go double on them if you want.
For my 5th burger of the trip, I went with a biggest (9oz) burger with American, jalapeños and all the fixings. Take a look:
It was slightly over medium, but not by much. I liked this burger a lot. It had a good bun (though not potato, or “King’s Hawaiian” as I might have expected), great cheese coverage, and quality toppings.
On the side we tried the tater tots, which were awesome and crispy, and the garlic fries, which were really overloaded with minced garlic.
Our next activity was also our next meal – a luau.
Meal 16/Activity 13: Drums of the Pacific Luau
The Hyatt in Kaanapali puts on a great show via Tihati Productions. This was a double whammy for my two big hobbies, other than writing: photography and eating.
Dinner at the luau consisted of the following menu:
As you can see, if you look closely, it says “Huli Huli Chicken!” I was really fucking excited for this, almost as much as the imu pit pork… but my boo-hooing started again when the sign at the buffet actually said teriyaki chicken. They must have went with teriyaki instead of Huli Huli that night. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to make it myself.
We started with a shitload of all-you-can-drink items. Blue Hawaiians, Mai Tais, Beer, Pina Coladas, etc.
Anyway, the performers had a nice little ceremony where they unearthed the pig from the imu pit. This is called kalua pork. The pig is roasted whole in a shallow pit in the ground. The pig is wrapped in banana leaves to keep in the moisture (steamed), and flavored with Hawaiian salts and spices. Since it is cooked directly on hot lava rock and charcoal, there is a really nice smoke flavor to the pig when it’s all done.
I don’t think, however, that the pulled pork we had from the buffet line was from the same pig that was unearthed in the ceremony. First, it was ready too quickly (most of the buffet was already set up and covered prior to our arrival as well). Second, there was no skin or hot drippy fat to be seen. Most of the meat was on the dry side, though it did have a lot of flavor.
Here’s the buffet line:
Here’s my plate, locked and loaded:
The ahi poke was much better here than in Hana, by the way.
Dessert was pretty nice here too. There was macadamia nut fudge brownies, macadamia nut chocolate mousse, coconut custard, bread pudding, and pineapple upside down cake. All of it was really nicely done.
The luau show itself was really fun and entertaining. Check out some of the pics below. There was even some crazy fire knife dancing!
On our last full day we got an early start with some breakfast at a local joint that we kept driving by each day.
Meal 17: Slappy Cakes
This place is a chain that lets you cook your own pancakes at the table on a skillet.
You order your batter – we chose lemon poppy, their seasonal batter – and then you start making shit.
Some people get very creative. Check out this design!
We also tried a funky item – chicken fried bacon. Thick cut bacon that has been battered and deep fried like chicken. What could go wrong? Well, it was a bit heavy. I’m not used to taking on breakfast too often anymore – I usually skip – so this was a bit much for me. I was full until dinner.
I should also mention the cool drinks we had here. These were non-alcoholic, though they do offer alcohol drinks here as well. Really good lemon and fizz type drinks. All very fresh.
Activity 14: Lahaina Town, Revisited
This time we roamed some of the other streets nearby, found some funky trees and a prison, smoked cigars by the water, and ogled the expensive art at the Peter Lik photography gallery and the Vladimir Kush painting and sculpture galleries, among others. I encourage you to check those links out – their work is really stunning, especially in person and when lit properly with stage lighting.
Meal 18: Lahaina Grill
Our last meal was a great one, and this joint represents probably the only real-deal fine dining establishment we went to (with Koa’s coming close behind).
We celebrated our anniversary here in style, and had a really great waiter named Justin, who chatted with us about the all-natural grass-fed steak purveyors on Maui, and the Idaho aged beef guys with outposts in San Diego, which is where they get their meats. That naturally lead to NYC steakhouses and this blog, which he actually took the time to browse between check giving and check paying (when all the convo started).
We started with some awesome cocktails. Mine was a tequila, honey and smoked salt drink, and my wife’s was a jalapeño vodka and cinnamon syrup drink. Crazy good.
For starters, we had the “cake walk,” which was a trio of lobster cake, crab cake, and tuna cake. All were good, but the tuna was more like a tartare than a cake. Fine by me.
My wife had a chili relleno for her app. It was served with a blue corn crust and surrounded by a tomato sauce that tasted like homemade chili, and stuffed with cheeses, corn and all sorts of seafood goodies.
My entree, was, of course, the largest steak on the menu. They didn’t have rib eye but they did have a decently sized boneless NY strip steak. Pretty nice for 14oz.
I wasn’t crazy about the red wine reduction sauce, but the meat was good quality. It would hang tough in NYC, I think, though certainly not in my top 10. It was cooked perfectly to medium on a skillet – nothing fancy, just real technique:
My wife ordered the coffee crusted rack of lamb. This was a little gamey for my liking, but it was cooked nicely and the crust had a nice flavor, though not as strong in the coffee department as I might have expected.
We planned to skip dessert, since we wanted more Ululani’s before our trip home, but Justin brought us out a triple berry pie on the house.
This was awesome. The berries were smooth, fresh and delicious. The pie crust was crispy and covered with granulated sugar that gave it an awesome texture.
And then the management came by and took a nice photo of us. They even gave us a card from the staff for our anniversary.
We ended up going back to Ululani’s for shave ice anyway. My wife had an awesome combo of coffee, chocolate and almond flavorings, with coconut cream topping. Nicely done!
Oh yeah… We flew home on Monday, but I had burger #6 at the airport. The extra long jalapeño cheeseburger from Burger King, along with some chicken fries and french fries. Fuck yeah.
A while back, it somehow became a thing that me, my wife (who was at the time still my girlfriend), my brother and some friends and cousins would go to our local Starbucks in Sayville, Long Island and sit out front, smoke tobacco pipes, play the ancient game of Go, talk about cool shit, and occasionally drink coffee.
I was never a coffee guy, so I typically got snacks or other drinks. But we were ritually going every Tuesday. As a result, birthday and holiday gifts starting coming in the form of Starbucks gift cards. Eventually my wife and I had more money in Starbucks gift cards than we knew what to do with, so we consolidated them all onto one card and put the money towards an espresso machine that Starbucks sold in-house.
We had that machine in a box for about 8 years and never touched it. I think we maybe tried to use it once but it seemed too confusing. We rarely ever drank coffee, so why bother anyway?
Espresso, though, is really the only coffee that we DO have on occasion. Usually when we were tired after a meal and still needed to be awake to get to the train for the hellish commute back home.
Fast-forward to my insane running regimen. Suddenly now I’m really tired some mornings after running several miles before 9am. “Hey we still have that espresso machine… let me try to figure it out now.” I pulled it out of retirement and figured out how to use it for those tired mornings.
But I quickly started to pass on the entire effort. First, it was a learning curve to figure out just how to get the machine to produce exactly the kind of coffee that I like. Second, it was a hassle to always have to grind, scoop, pack, fiddle with the machine to get it going, rinse, clean, etc. It was a 20 minute ordeal every time. Just when I started to get it down to a science I was starting to give up on it.
Enter Nespresso. My brother has had one for a while and I was always interested in it. Eventually I cracked and purchased one, the Inissia model.
Quick, clean, convenient and cheap, since I was able to apply some credit via Groupon Goods. I paid $62. Pods aren’t cheap, ranging from $0.70 to $0.77 a pop, but they’re worth it when you factor in the quality of the coffee and time saved in making it. Plus, from what I hear, they are much better than the Nespresso-compatible capsules by Bestpresso and Gourmesso. Since Nespresso’s capsule patent expired, others have started making them as competition. So far I’ve only had the real-deal pods:
The great part is the variety of flavors, styles and roasts. I tend to favor strong espresso, no cream but with a little bit of brown sugar.
My wife and I were invited to another awesome Tabelog event – this time at a new gelato parlor on 18th & 8th called Amorino.
This place is known for its beautifully crafted cones that look like flowers, and their unique flavors like pistachio and biscotti.
If you see this fellow, be nice! He’s the owner, Federico:
Our task was to rate a bunch of flavors on a scale of 1-5 using this nifty score card:
The flavors came around in little sample cups like this:
And we were permitted to ask for pretty much anything else that we wanted to try. Check out this wild mix:
My favorites were pistachio, yogurt and biscotti.
At the end of the tasting, there was a little blind taste test going on:
I got 3 out of 4 correct, with my one mistake being a tech-fault. I wanted to write raspberry but since it wasn’t passed around as a sample earlier, I just didn’t think it existed. So I wrote strawberry instead. Lesson: Always trust your taste buds! I was right, but I was wrong. Oh well.
Afterward, they passed around some of their awesome gelato-filled macarons:
These were really good! I definitely recommend hitting this place for a tasty and unique treat.
AMORINO
162 8th Ave.
New York, NY 10011
I recently went on a jerky spree at our local Trader Joe’s market. After sampling some various jerky brands here on the site, I jumped at the opportunity to get these flavors from Trader Joe’s.
Why? Because they were both unique and VERY cheap – at least $1 or $2 cheaper than the “brand name” shit. So I grabbed every single flavor I could find that day in the store. Here’ we go:
Wild King Salmon
Probably my favorite of the lot, which I was really shocked about. Fish jerky, which I never even thought about before, just didn’t strike me as something even remotely appetizing. I thought I’d hate it, but I loved it. It was a bit too salty, but the texture is the consistency of dry, thick cut bacon and it even tasted similar. Awesome. I’ll be getting this again, and possibly eating it with a bagel and cream cheese or something to cut the saltiness a little.
Sweet Sri Racha Uncured Bacon
This reminded me of pre-cooked bacon but better quality and with a sweet and spicy flavor to it. I guess it’s somewhat similar to the Spicy Bacon Candy that my wife makes on occasion. The sweet comes from something in the maple flavor family, if I had to guess, and the heat is obviously from chili paste.
Teriyaki Turkey
This was pretty standard in terms of flavor – nothing new or unique – but it was executed nicely. It was juicy, yet not wet. It had nice flavor, and was thick but not too chewy.
Sweet & Spicy Buffalo
This was lean and tasty. It wasn’t too tough and it didn’t require heavy chewing, and that goes for all the flavors, really. The spice comes in at the end on this, which is really enjoyable.
Teriyaki Beef
This, like the turkey, is standard issue, but again very good quality. If you like a traditional, meaty beef jerky with a common flavor kick, then this is for you.
Problems, plural, I should say… And I know you’re probably thinking the obvious: “He’s going to say ‘The problem with salads is that they aren’t steaks,’ or something.” And, yeah, sure… that’s ONE problem with salads. But coming from a steak blog, that shit would be way too predictable. Look: I do like a good salad from time to time. I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s not all meat, all the time for me, otherwise I’d be battling THE GOUT. So my analysis here… what I’m about to get at with this post… is something deeper.
Let’s get this salad tossed, shall we?
Wikipedia defines a salad as “a dish consisting of small pieces of food, which may be mixed with a sauce or salad dressing.” We can’t stop there, however, because that’s way too fucking open-ended. According to that definition, if we cut up a rib eye and put it on a plate, then it suddenly becomes a salad. Boil pasta, strain and put in a bowl… Presto: salad! FUUUUCK that, right? So let’s unpack this salad bullshit a little further…
Wikipedia goes on to arbitrarily break salads down into seven types:
(1) Green or Garden Salads: leafy greens. Example: Caesar salad.
(2) Vegetable Salads: no leafy greens. Examples: Greek salad, bean salad.
(3) Bound Salads: held together with the use of a thick sauce. Examples: tuna salad, potato salad, chicken salad, macaroni salad.
(4) Main Course Salads: typically a green or garden salad with higher protein content, like grilled chicken or sirloin. Other than that and the portion size, I guess there is no real difference between this and a Green/Garden Salad.
(5) Fruit Salads: pretty self explanatory.
(6) Dessert Salads: usually sweet. Example: ambrosia. I suppose a fruit salad can also be a dessert salad if served at the end of a meal. I’m sensing some serious weakness in these salad categories.
(7) Composed Salads: Wikipedia says that the difference here is that these are served on a plate rather than in a bowl. Fucking stupid distinction, if you ask me. I wonder if a deconstructed or artistically plated salad would fall into this category. Those weren’t even discussed.
A decent attempt, I will grant that – and some of the types of salads seem to hold true. But as you can tell, this rudimentary classification system, while seeming to start out pretty solid, begins to fall apart and lose all sense of logic toward the end – especially when you apply the wide-open Wikipedia definition of a salad to food items, and then try to determine which type of salad it is.
For example: What about my cut up rib eye example? Technically it fits Wikipedia’s shitty definition of a salad, but it doesn’t fall into any of the seven categories. So, okay… what… we have vegetable and fruit salads, but no fucking MEAT salads? What the fuck, bro? “But what about chicken salad? That’s a meat salad.” NOPE, ASSHOLE! If you read carefully, you would’ve seen that chicken salad is a category (3) BOUND salad, since it is held together by a thick sauce (mayo). If I was forced to write that shitty Wiki page, I would have at least added: (8) Meat Salads.
So, long story short, we’ve thoroughly established that Wikipedia sucks. As such, I’m going to completely scrap that bullshit and hit you with my own, genius take on this whole salad thing.
Let’s start from the beginning… which I am summarizing from Wikipedia… (that’s hypocrisy, but it’s fucking hilarious).
The word salad actually derives from the French and Latin words for “salt” or “salty.” It’s English-language use – “sallet” – as a name for a food item other than simple salt as a seasoning, dates back to the 1300’s. Salty brine water or salt-seasoned oil and vinegar dressing combinations were typically used to flavor vegetables in those days. By the late 1600’s/early 1700’s, we know that salads were mainly comprised of mixed greens with dressing. Okay cool. I like that. Seems logical and makes sense to me, given what I instantly think of when I hear the word “salad.”
But after that, we started fucking things up and making shit really confusing by calling almost anything a salad, just because we fucking felt like it. Leave it to the Americans to fuck things up, right? Wrong. We fucked up this one salad thing, and maybe a few other things here and there, but on the whole we pretty much fucking RULE as a society, providing people all over the world with awesome shit like freedom, hot dogs and porn.
And DON’T FUCKING ARGUE WITH ME on that. You’ll lose. I win at shit; that’s what I do. This entire salad post stems from an argument that my family has had over and over, at almost every fucking holiday meal. I win the salad argument every time. So either get on board or get run over.
I take this shit seriously, because I firmly believe that words have meaning, and meanings should be easily apprehended. When we start fucking around with the meanings of words, suddenly shit gets turned upside down. I’ve even guest-hosted my friends’ Hungry Dads podcast on the topic of salads. You can listen here if you want:
I’ve sort of evolved my point of view since then. I used to be a fan of “any mixture of ingredients bound by or garnished with a dressing,” whereby a dressing could be something as simple as salt, sugar, or oil, as per the etymology and history of salads. But then there’s the fruit salad… usually just pieces of fruit with no dressing at all. The bottom line is that a salad can be, literally, just about anything unless you start acting like a fucking man and drawing some meaningful lines in the sand. Otherwise if you drop a taco into a bowl so that the shell breaks up into pieces, the result is a taco salad.
My cousin has tried to go with “solid and unorganized” as an all-encompassing definition that might include all of the weird, non-leafy green salads that are out there. But I take issue with that, because sometimes the plating of a salad can be artistic and highly organized. Any type of Japanese plating, for example, or a Caprese salad, which is often neatly layered, would stand as exceptions.
Side bar here on the Caprese salad (tomato and mozzarella, with some basil and olive oil): Where does it fit into Wikipedia’s shitty categories? Vegetable salad? But it is equally CHEESE. Yet there’s no CHEESE SALAD category… Another Wikifail.
Want some more humdingers for the Wiki definition? What about chili? Shit what about SOUP? I’ve had thick and chunky versions of soups and chili that were more like “pieces of food with sauce” that could have been eaten with a fork. Also what about pasta, which I briefly mentioned above? That shit is certainly within a definition as “pieces of food with sauce.” Ridiculous.
I have several proposals, or rules and observations, if you will:
1. Majority Raw Leafy Greens
My first proposal falls in line with the common usage and traditional historical understanding of salads, and I think should set the backbone of the definition. Let’s be realistic here. As modern Americans, when we hear the word “salad,” most of us immediately think of raw leafy greens as a majority component of the dish, right? The other supposed “Bound Salads” or “Vegetable Salads” are an afterthought, or exceptions to our normal way of thinking about the salad. Let’s analyze taco salad as an example. The majority of the stuff is meat and cheese and shell. The lettuce is a lesser component, often times. That’s why I joked earlier about dropping a taco and having it suddenly become a salad. But the skewed proportions of the various components would remove it from this first proposal. I DO, however, grant that a taco salad COULD indeed be a salad if most of the shit you’re eating is raw leafy greens, with less cheese, meat and taco shell as toppings. We have to be reasonable when examining the proportions. We must realize that a salad is typically consumed before a main course. But in the event that there is an entree-sized salad, serving as a main course with more protein added (like a grilled chicken Caesar salad), then we must use reasonableness and objectivity to decide whether the addition of such protein removes the dish from the realm of salad. It likely depends on how much is added.
2. Non-Leafy Green “Salads” Are Not Salads
My second proposal is somewhat of an offshoot of the first proposal. It posits that all non-leafy green salads are NOT salads. They are simply other appetizers, sides or desserts. For this proposal, simply ask yourself: Is the item something that is more likely to be sandwiched between two pieces of bread for lunch (chicken salad, tuna salad), or served in a bowl as a side to your meal (potato salad, pasta salad)? Perhaps you ordered it for dessert, like fruit salad? If so, then I’m sorry, ace, but what you’re eating isn’t a fucking salad. Example: a Caprese salad is simply another kind of appetizer. Tougher example: coleslaw is a side – despite being made of raw leafy greens (cabbage) – because it usually comes with or on the SIDE… in a little bowl next to a pickle… on the SIDE of… your chicken “salad” sandwich platter, or burger deluxe platter, or what have you. Slaw is also often a sandwich topper, to add a crunch element in the same way that a few leaves of lettuce would be added to a burger. Use your common sense, people! Gut instinct! If that’s not good enough, cabbage isn’t listed HERE as a salad green (although, to be fair, neither is crisp head, aka iceberg lettuce). Cabbage is from a different family of plants than lettuce, however (Asteraceae). As such I think the distinction holds despite the website not listing iceberg lettuce.
3. Never Warm
My third proposal is that a salad can never be warm. That is one of the ultimate unifying factors across nearly all salads, even the weird ones, with the exception of warm German potato salad. I say that bullshit is a side item, not a salad (see second proposal). My cousin posed an interesting question to this “warmth” issue: “What if we put a hot, cooked protein on top of the salad?” My response was that we should never do that, because we will wilt the greens and ruin the salad. See what I did there? I attacked the premise of his question. But to address his concern, I say we should let the protein cool off, but as long as most of the salad is still cold and not completely wilted, I suppose it is still a salad, all things considered.
4. Use Of A Fork
My fourth proposal, which is more of an observation really, is that a salad is pretty much always consumed with a fork (or sometimes chopsticks). I suppose they could be devoured by hand, but we are civilized. A knife is permissible if you want to cut smaller pieces of leafy greens per bite, but if you’re using a spoon to eat it for some reason, then it likely isn’t a salad. Sorry, pal. “What about a lettuce cup eaten with your hands?” Sorry again, dude. That’s some other kind of appetizer, not a salad. Get with the program!
5. Generally Healthy
My fifth proposal should be taken with a grain of “sallet:” A salad should… SHOULD… generally be somewhat healthy. The reasonable expectation that comes off of my first proposal is that the dish is healthy. However I realize that when you add eggs, meats and cheeses as toppings, or dump a boatload of cream-based dressing on top, you’re leaving the realm of healthy eating despite the majority component of your food being leafy greens. This is why I say “should” rather than the “must” or “never” language I used earlier in other proposals. It’s still a salad, but don’t think you’re fooling anyone if you say you’re eating healthy because you had a “salad.” With this in mind, I urge people to ask “what kind of salad” to those who casually say they had a salad for lunch in conversation. Telling someone “I had a salad” is utterly useless. Think about it: would something like “I had a sandwich” ever fly? Of course not. You say “I had pastrami on rye.” People like to know what was in that sandwich. Similarly, what was in the salad? People need to be specific. “I had an arugula salad with blue cheese, chic peas and onions.” Boom.
One final note here: I think a lot, if not all, of peoples’ concerns and “what abouts” can be easily plugged into my five proposals above and figured out. Simply apply the rules. A wedge salad, for example: Often just a hunk of iceberg lettuce, some olives and a dollop of blue cheese, plated completely deconstructed and separate, not mixed up, and sometimes very neatly or artistically. It’s still a salad because it satisfies every proposal, and the eater usually ends up combining it all anyway. Want another? Cooked spinach or broccoli that’s served cold with a lemon dressing. NOT a salad. Raw is a key component of proposal number one, above. Got it?
So that about does it. To recap, we basically have two MUST rules: (1) raw leafy greens are the majority component, and (2) it must be cold. The rest are suggestions, observations and/or SHOULD rules. Now get the fuck out of my face with this bitch shit. Go eat your girly salad, you fucking pussy.
